The Voice
by gypsyrover
Summary: Takes place during New Moon. What would happen if Edward found out that Bella was in danger and returned to Forks, but didn't tell her he was there? Written from Edward's perspective. Rated T to be safe. NOW COMPLETE! But feel free to keep reviewing.
1. Prologue: Leaving

The Disclaimer:

_Twilight_ and _New Moon_, two books very fine.

Though I wish it could be, they will never be mine.

They belong to the talented Stephenie Meyer,

Whose writing achievements both awe and inspire.

It's clear that I'm not a poet, but I'm sure you get the idea. I own nothing, and Ms. Meyer owns all. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**Prologue – Leaving**

"Bella, I don't want you with me"

"You're not good for me."

"Goodbye, Bella_." _How can my voice sound so calm? These words don't even make sense!

"Wait!" She's even paler than usual, her beautiful features ashen with shock. The one word chokes out of her like she's being strangled. _I_ feel like I'm being strangled, though I have no real need to breathe. Time seems to slow down as I see her reaching for me. How in God's name am I going to be strong enough to do this? She's trying to step towards me, but it's like her body won't listen to her.

Without my willing it, my arms flash out and grab her wrists to steady her. Bringing her arms to her sides, I lean in and inhale her terrible, wonderful scent for the last time. The pain is going to end me… I gently kiss her forehead. Her eyes drift shut.

"Take care of yourself." Please, Bella. Please take care of yourself. I can't exist if you don't. Be safe. Be happy.

I release her wrists, and with vampire speed I am away before her eyes even have time to open. The pain is trying to take me, but I have a few more things to do before I give in. I rush back to Bella's house, up to her room where we spent so many blissful evenings together. I promised her peace with no reminders, and I will deliver it. It takes no time to find the photos, the CD, and the tickets. Holding them against me, I indulge myself by curling up on her bed for a moment, just one last time. I turn my face into the pillows, the memory of her scent still on them. Would it really hurt anything to leave a piece of myself here with her in the only place I've ever truly lived? Before I have time to talk myself out of it, I lift up a loose floorboard and put the items inside.

I leave a note for Charlie, in Bella's handwriting of course, on the kitchen counter. One last look at the memories, and I'm away. Maybe if I run fast enough, I can escape the pain. The thought almost makes me laugh, but it's not a happy sound.

_Goodbye my love._


	2. Chapter 1: Time Passes

The Disclaimer:

_Twilight_ and _New Moon_, two books very fine.

Though I wish it could be, they will never be mine.

They belong to the talented Stephenie Meyer,

Whose writing achievements both awe and inspire.

It's clear that I'm not a poet, but I'm sure you get the idea. I own nothing, and Ms. Meyer owns all. No copyright infringement is intended.

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Chapter One – Time Passes

Running came naturally to me; it was like breathing, or at least like breathing used to be. It was my time to think, but now all I could do was howl mentally at the world. How could she have believed me? My Bella, she had to have known how I love her. I was prepared to lie for hours to convince her. In the end it was so easy, as if I had just told her something she had believed all along. Didn't she know that the idea of me not needing her was complete nonsense? She was my whole reason for existence, and yet she believed I didn't love her, didn't want her. It was what I had wanted, but the reality shocked my whole system.

My body felt emptier the further away from her I ran. I was used to the constant pain and longing of my thirst, to the darkness and depression that were my lot in life. This was different somehow, as though I were fleeing into a night from which there would be no sunrise, into a darkness that would truly be eternal. Twilight had always been a peaceful time for me, but not today.

Shaking off these thoughts for the moment, I tried to concentrate on my plans. I had to complete my removal from Bella's life as quickly as possible. She would be safe if not for me. My family was already gone; I would meet them in Ithaca. Cornell University had been after Carlisle for a while, ever since his guest lecture series two years ago. He could combine teaching with work at the local hospital; moving was no problem professionally.

My family all thought I was insane. Well, almost all of them did. Rosalie thought I should have done this long ago, but somehow her approval was not the ringing endorsement I was looking for. Insane or not, though, they knew this was my decision to make.

I had reached the house. I was already packed, so I just grabbed my small suitcase and headed for the garage. The shiny silver Volvo was waiting for me like a good friend; my car is my refuge. Perhaps the long drive would provide some degree of oblivion. As I swung myself into the driver's seat, I caught a whiff of Bella's scent lingering from the last time she had driven with me. I was suddenly seized with a pain I could not fight. I couldn't see, I couldn't think. If I had needed to breathe, I would have been gasping for air – I felt like I was suffocating. I could only curl around the empty place in my body and hope it would pass. Bella, please be safe. Please make this be worthwhile.

Finally the agony subsided enough that I was able to start the engine and get on the road. If only I could count on time making it better. But vampires never change.

October

My room in the house in Ithaca was much like my room in the house in Forks. Black leather sofa, my prized stereo system and, of course, racks for CDs. The racks were much emptier though. I hadn't brought much with me from Forks and I hadn't been working on my collection the way I usually did when we relocated. I hadn't even touched the new piano Esme had purchased for the house. It was too painful.

If I tried not to think about her, it was a little easier to keep going. _One more week, just one more week_, was becoming a constant mental refrain. If I were able to sleep, maybe it would be easier. Every long minute needed to be filled, yet nothing held any interest for me. Music sounded off-key, books were unbelievably tedious, and my family was less than no help. I couldn't bear to hear their worries anymore.

Rosalie and Emmett had left on yet another honeymoon for a few weeks, but I could hear the stirrings of the others despite the late hour. Esme was refinishing the floor of the main hallway, worrying over me. She did that a lot lately. I experienced a momentary pang of guilt at the pain I'd been putting her through, but I pushed it away. After all, there was nothing to be done.

Jasper was in the library, working on a research paper he needed to hand in at the university tomorrow. Even though he's done the college thing a few times before, some courses were still a challenge at this level.

And Alice was pacing in her room. I let out a low growl as I heard what was going on in her mind.

_If he only knew what Bella's going through, what he's making her suffer, surely he would give up this stupidity. But he doesn't see, he refuses to see. All he does is sit up there in his room and mope. Never mind Bella, he's killing Esme… he's killing our whole family with this nonsense. I have to tell him. Somehow I have to make him see._

I burst into the room howling with rage. "Alice! Enough! I told you not to look for Bella or her future. We've done enough damage!"

"You don't know the half of it, you imbecile," she howled right back at me, eyes flashing in fury. Maybe she was madder than I thought. "You have no idea what she's gone through since you left."

I cut her off before she could gain any more momentum with her rant. "Alice, is she safe?"

"Yes," she spat out grudgingly. "But that's not all that matters. She's-"

"That _is_ all that matters. Bella is human, she'll forget us, she'll forget _me_, if she's given time." I managed to quell my flinch at the very idea of her forgetting me. It would be the best thing for her; I needed to believe that. I made an effort to gentle my voice. "Please, Alice, promise me you won't look at her future anymore. We need to let her go. Please."

"Fine. Just one thing before you go."

This was going to be bad. But before I could block her out, I read an image from her mind. I saw a girl sitting at a long table, one of the cafeteria tables from Forks High School, I realized. It took me a moment longer to recognize that the girl was Bella. Her perfect features were the same as ever, but she looked so numb, so blank. It was as though the spark that made her unique was gone. She looked… lifeless.

The pain was coming. I ran back to my room, but not before I saw Alice's smug-yet-worried look after me. I slammed my door behind me and curled up on the sofa, shuddering with the pain, trying to hold the pieces of myself together and wishing I could pass out. When I could think again, I knew. _I need to get out of here._

Then it came to me. Victoria.

November

After weeks of trying, I finally found a trace of my quarry. For all _her_ teasing (I tried to never even think her name) that I was good at everything, I was proving absolutely useless when it came to tracking. I had been distracted the one time we met, so I had not really paid attention to Victoria's thoughts. I had no idea what she would have done after James' end. My only hint came from a glimpse of her thoughts about a favorite hunting range in Canada. She and James had often traveled through the central provinces in the winter months. The short days, frequent clouds and snow, and sparse population provided the very conditions that my kind so need. Perhaps in a time of loss, she would return to familiar haunts.

So I was backpacking cross-country, or at least that was my cover story whenever I needed to talk to humans. In reality my backpack was mostly for show, as was the heavy down jacket I was wearing. It was terribly heavy and difficult to move in, but I needed to blend in. I drew enough strange looks as it was; November was not exactly the height of the backpacking season here. I was beginning to think this was completely pointless. Even with vampire speed and senses, I was getting nowhere. However, my only alternative was to stop and succumb totally to the agony I knew was waiting for me. And who knew? Victoria might try to hurt my family, might even try to hurt – _her_, as some kind of sick revenge for the death of her mate.

I was somewhere in Manitoba when I finally caught a break. Victoria's scent was strong in this area; this must be her chosen hunting ground. I was in a farming town with a small population, so I cast outward with my mind, searching for a familiar thought pattern, but to no avail. She was too unfamiliar, or too far away, for me to pick up. Night was falling, so I headed for the campground I had seen signs for outside of town. Not that I needed to sleep, but I had smelled a herd of deer and I was very thirsty.

Deer were not much of a challenge. It was less than an hour later that I came to myself and straightened up, taking stock of my senses. And there she was – a familiar mind just on the edge of my range. Her only thought was alarm and flight. I cursed under my breath. She had caught my scent. This would make matters more difficult.

I was immediately running at my full speed, trees flashing by me. When I reached the spot where Victoria had been I nearly tripped over a small dark bundle on the forest floor. Two things registered in my mind at the same time. One was the smell of fresh human blood, and the other was the chocolate brown hair spilling out at one end of the bundle.

"Bella! No, this can't be happening!" The words ripped out of me before I had time to realize that the blood I smelled was nothing like my Bella's precious scent. My angel was safe. This poor creature was a stranger.

I bent quickly to the still form. By some miracle, she was alive, if just barely. I must have interrupted Victoria mid-feed. My entire being was consumed with the desire to rend Victoria limb from limb, but I couldn't leave the poor girl here to die. I gently scooped her up from the cold ground and raced to the emergency room of the small hospital in town. I deposited her unconscious form in the warmth just inside the doors, shouted for help, and took off for the safety of darkness before unfortunate questions could be asked.

I urged my body on to greater and greater speeds. Victoria had been on foot, and my detour couldn't have taken more than fifteen minutes. I still had a chance to take her down tonight. As I reached the clearing where I had found the girl, it suddenly hit me. _Bella_. For those few terrible seconds, I had been so sure she was dead, irrationally certain that my greatest fear had come to pass. With the thought of her name, I was unable to keep the image of her perfect face from my mind. The empty cavity that was my whole being caved in and I fell to the ground, shaking uncontrollably.

Images of Bella flew through my mind. I saw her awestruck expression the first time we had gone to the meadow together, when I had shown her the effect the sun had on me. I saw her smile delightedly at me as she let me in her bedroom window at night. If I went back now, surely she would smile at me that same way, let me come back to her. How could she have ever believed that she wasn't the most important thing in my life, now or ever? Bella, how could you? Alice said Bella still loves me; surely if I return she'll take me back into her arms and make me whole again.

"No!" I meant to shout, but it came out as a gasp. How can you shout when you have no lungs? Alice shouldn't have looked. I couldn't go back, I did the right thing by leaving. One more day, I just need to make it through one more day and surely this will get easier. Sooner or later, I will start to believe it.

I don't know how much time had passed before the pain subsided enough that I was able to move again. It could have been minutes or it could have been an hour. Moving as slowly and creakily as if I were a century-old human instead of a vampire, I rose to my feet and staggered in the direction Victoria had taken. Any advantage of surprise or speed I may have had was long gone now, even if she were still on foot, which I doubted she was. Sure enough, I hadn't gone far before I reached a secluded back road and Victoria's scent became much fainter. She must have had a car hidden here.

I was going to need a vehicle.

December

A snake slithered by me where I was curled up amid the dense undergrowth. Perhaps that was what shook me from my stupor, but I really had no idea. I may have been incapable of sleep, but over the past few weeks, agony was swiftly becoming a constant companion. I was getting adept at numbing myself into a kind of daze that was almost, but not quite, like relief. At least I didn't have to be excruciatingly aware of each second as it ticked by.

If it weren't for the pain, I might have caught up with Victoria before now, but she had managed to stay just a step ahead of me. She was leading me on quite the merry chase, keeping far enough away that I was never able to see her thoughts and had no chance of getting ahead of her. Instead, I was doomed to doggedly follow through the Canadian wilderness, across the Great Lakes, down the Atlantic coast, all the way to this place. I wasn't even sure where here was, to tell the truth. Florida, maybe.

"I think I'm losing my mind," I groaned aloud. The frightening thing was, it was true. I was beginning to have difficulty distinguishing from reality and my fantasies… and nightmares. This chase was supposed to give some meaning to my hopeless existence, but it wasn't enough anymore. I was fighting every hour to maintain my sanity, to keep from returning to the only solace and refuge that could ever help me.

Bella.

It looked like for this hour at least, I had won.


	3. Chapter 2: Return

Disclaimer: I do not own _Twilight_, _New Moon_, or any of the characters contained therein. Stephenie Meyer does. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Chapter Two – Return**

It was sometime in mid-January, in Texas, when I finally caught a break in the pursuit. Victoria had been infuriatingly precise at staying just out of my range. I could only assume that she and James had discussed it when I had been pursuing him the previous year. But again she needed to stop and hunt, and her this time her distraction allowed me to get just close enough to catch her thoughts for a moment. It looked like she was heading for Brazil. It seemed like an odd destination for a vampire, yet I was fairly certain that Victoria was at least partly insane. My time on her trail had taught me at least that much.

Smiling grimly, I turned my "borrowed" Mitsubishi Spyder toward the airport. It was about time I got lucky. I had long ago given up relying on my non-existent skills. James may have been lower than pond scum, but I had to hand it to him. This tracking stuff was harder than it looked. I had only stayed on Victoria's trail this long with the aid of my vampire-enhanced senses.

I left the car in the taxi zone at the international terminal. It would be found soon enough, and returned to its rightful owner with a full tank of gas. The theft had been necessary, but there was no reason to be discourteous about it. Somehow, I still doubted Esme would approve.

I grabbed my backpack and entered the bustling terminal. I found one of the flight display monitors and scanned the departing flights for the next few hours. There was nothing heading for Sao Paulo until this evening and it was still early morning, so I would have some time to kill. As I surveyed the terminal for somewhere relatively comfortable to wait, I noticed a gaggle of teenage girls trying to watch me surreptitiously. Which meant they were more or less staring. Teenagers are no subtler now than they were when I truly was one. They seemed to be preparing for a school trip of some kind, and their two chaperones looked tired already. That's one place I would not be waiting. I was thoroughly enjoying my temporary reprieve from the tedium of high school and the minds of high school students.

As I headed off in the opposite direction, I couldn't help but overhear a few of their annoying thoughts. _Isn't that the guy from that movie… what's his name again? He looks like he's alone, I wonder if he'll be on our flight? Oh. My. God. Hotness._ I rolled my eyes and walked a little faster. If they had any idea who they were looking at, they would run screaming. The mental image entertained me even as it sickened me. I was distracted from my mental rampage as another thought voice caught my attention.

_Edward!_ _Edward, I know you're here. Where are you?_

Someone was calling me. Who would be here and would know to do that? I didn't know whether to smile or growl as I recognized the "voice." I settled on feeling irritated, but I should probably see what she wanted. I turned in a slow circle, ignoring the irritated looks of the people who now had to swerve around me. Sure enough, I saw two familiarly mismatched figures about halfway down the terminal. A tall, lean blond man, and a tiny, pixie-like girl with short black hair were standing with their backs to me, staring at another one of the monitors. What were Jasper and Alice doing here?

I weaved swiftly towards them through the crowd, but they caught my scent and turned before I reached them. It's tough to catch a vampire by surprise. Jasper snorted as he took in my appearance, and Alice raised an eyebrow.

"The Stetson is an…interesting look for you, Edward," her tone was even, but she couldn't hold back a smirk. _Where's my camera when I really need it?_

"It's been sunny. I had to do something to keep from terrifying the populace." I was not amused. I was sure Alice was here to give me some variation on the rant she had delivered the last time we spoke. "But as much as I know you enjoy giving fashion advice, I doubt you came all this way to make fun of me. What are you two doing here, Alice? I hardly need supervision."

_No. Obviously you have everything under control. _The sarcasm was crystal clear, even in her thoughts. Aloud, she said, "Let's find somewhere a little more private. You have some time before your flight."

As we walked toward an out of the way corner, I asked, "I understand you having a vision of me arriving here in Dallas, but how did you know to come to the airport? It was less than an hour ago that I made the decision to get on a plane."

Jasper smirked, oozing self-satisfaction. "Not everyone stinks at tracking as much as you."

"… and more to the point, your cell phone has a GPS locator unit," Alice added, ignoring her husband's dirty look. She looked pointedly at the laptop case in Jasper's hand.

"Not that I don't want to see you, but why didn't you just call?" Honestly, I didn't want to see them. There was only one person in this world I wanted to see, and that wasn't going to happen.

Alice looked around to make sure we had a little space to ourselves before answering, and even then she kept her voice low enough that only a vampire would be able to understand her. "I had a vision of Bella. I wasn't looking for her!" she cut me off as she saw my mouth open to chastise her. "It just came to me. Edward, she's in danger. Look for yourself."

Without any further warning, her vision flooded from her mind into mine. I saw two figures, standing in a wooded area. The first was Bella, looking much as she had in Alice's last vision, pale and worn. Her eyes were anything but lifeless now, though, as she gazed with naked terror at her companion. It was Laurent. I thought that after he had separated from James and Victoria he had left Forks, but clearly he was back. Despite the onlookers I knew to be around me, I couldn't repress my growl as I read the thirst and murderous intent in his red-black eyes. Every thought left my mind but one: I had to get to Bella.

As panic and pain threatened to overwhelm me, I felt Jasper using his gift of emotional control to send me a wave of calm. He was obviously worried I would make a scene, and he was probably wise to feel that way. I wasn't grateful for his help right now, though. I wanted every shred of urgency I could muster.

"Alice, why the hell didn't you just phone me?!" Even with Jasper's calming influence I could barely keep from howling with frustration at the time she had wasted by coming to tell me in person. I might already be too late.

"You wouldn't have believed me without seeing it for yourself, Edward. You know that. I've been telling you all along it was a mistake to leave." Alice was keeping her voice steady, but I could tell it was an effort. Her temper was no better than mine. "And secondly, it hasn't happened yet. I don't know exactly when it will happen, but you do have a little time."

"Are you sure?" Alice's visions were rarely concrete enough for her to be this certain about them. Of all the times for her to take a chance! From the corner of my eye I saw Jasper bristling with irritation, obviously picking up on the feelings I was having towards his wife.

"Edward, who is the one that told you to buy stock in Coca-Cola? Microsoft? Of course I'm sure. As sure as it's possible to be. I'm sorry I can't give you a specific date, but I know she's still safe as of right now. I would have seen if something had happened to Bella." _I was afraid of what you might do if I told you without being here to control your reaction. I didn't have a choice._

I read between her words enough to see that she meant more than just a little sisterly advice. There was a reason she had dragged Jasper into this terminal full of temptation. It could not be easy for him and she wouldn't have brought him here unless she anticipated needing his gift. The implication irritated me, but I could sense the depth of her feelings for both myself and Bella and was humbled enough to say, "Thanks, Alice."

She flashed a huge grin, and then was back to business, "Now, I hope you don't mind, but I took the liberty of purchasing you a flight to Seattle. You're leaving in an hour. You can grab Bella, make a story for Charlie and have her on a plane to somewhere safe by tomorrow afternoon."

I loved my sister, but at times she did not understand me at all. Alice would be furious when she found out what I was planning, but I was not going to be the one to tell her.

I was at thirty thousand feet before it hit me. I was going to see Bella again. If I hadn't known it was impossible, I would have sworn my heart started beating again at the mere idea. To see her beautiful face again, to inhale her uniquely intoxicating scent, was the only heaven I could ever hope for or would ever want. It would be slightly less perfect in that her smiles would never be for me, her voice would never speak to me. If events went according to plan, she would never know I was there. Oh yes, Alice would be furious.

I had done the right thing by leaving, I was positive about that. Bella should be safe, would be so much safer in Forks without the constant threat of my presence. I would never be able to stop myself from thirsting for her blood, from craving to take her life. I was a monster. I thought back to the night of her birthday party, the moment that my true depravity had become clear to me. Bella had hurt herself, had needed help, and I couldn't even stay with her and hold her hand through the stitches because the open blood had been too much of a siren call. She was injured, and my every instinct had been raging at me to finish the job, to drink her life away. My throat throbbed with thirst at just the memory.

No, if anything I had underestimated the detrimental effect I was having on Bella's life. After all, Laurent would surely not be after her now if he had never met her, and he would not have met her if she hadn't been with me that night when we first encountered James and the others. Once this last threat was removed I would leave again, and leave for good. I hoped I would be strong enough to walk away from her the second time. My mind cringed and shied away from the idea. My whole body was humming with excitement at the idea of being near my angel after all this time.

I couldn't put Bella through my leaving twice. It would be my penance and final gift to her. Surely she had begun to forget me by now, her human memories beginning to blur around the edges and lose their depth. I felt a moment's guilt that I would essentially be using Bella as bait, but I did not have many options. She would never be in true danger, other of course than the danger I posed to her. I was confident in my ability to take Laurent down, once I located him. I would watch Bella from the shadows, protecting her without her knowledge. It would be torment, but at least it would be a sweeter torment than the one I had known for the past few months.

It was just before noon when I arrived in Seattle. I skipped baggage claim and flagged down the first taxi I saw.

"Take me to the nearest car dealership." I ordered the driver. The man was looking at me nervously in the rearview mirror, unconsciously responding to the threat I posed. Most humans were nervous around my kind, even though they had no idea why they felt that way. I threw a couple of twenties onto the seat beside him. "And make it fast."

Less than two hours later I was on the road in my new Ford Fusion. It's really amazing what large amounts of cash can do for you. Salespeople of all types start to gibber mindlessly when they see stacks of hundred-dollar bills. The Fusion was deep blue, with tinted windows and a cream-colored leather interior. It was not nearly as fast as I would have liked; Rosalie really did have a talent for tinkering with cars, and she could have done amazing things with it. It was not my Volvo, but then Bella would have recognized my Volvo if she saw it, and I needed to stay unobtrusive if I was going to be following her for a few weeks. I sighed. I loved my Volvo.

It would normally be about a four-hour drive to Forks from the Sea-Tac airport, but for me it was less than three hours. My built-in radar detector was a real godsend sometimes. I drove by Bella's house, verifying that her truck and Charlie's cruiser were both in the driveway, and continued around the corner to park. I wasn't worried that anyone would recognize me. The Fusion was significantly different from the silver Volvo, and the tinted windows would keep out prying eyes. Besides, with the constant rain, people don't tend to spend a lot of time investigating strange vehicles.

I cut the engine and leaned back in my seat. Reaching out with my mind toward Bella's house, I found Charlie's familiar thought pattern in the kitchen. I indulged in a moment of frustration at my inability to hear Bella's thoughts. It was unlikely to change, but I wished I could understand why the mind I most wished to hear was inaccessible to me. Most of my existence had been spent cursing my supposed gift, and then the one time I truly wanted it, it failed me.

Charlie seemed to be getting himself some dinner. That was odd. Bella always cooked dinner for him; was she sick? I paid closer attention.

_Seems like Bella really did go out with Jessica this evening. It's good to see her actually doing something for a change. I don't particularly like Jessica, but I guess going out is going out. If the movie starts at 7, I guess they'll be back from Port Angeles by 10:30 or so… _

She was gone! I was seized by a sense of foreboding. Bella had almost been killed in Port Angeles once. If anyone could find trouble in that sleepy town a second time, it would be her. The engine roared to life before I was aware of reaching for the key…


	4. Chapter 3: Deja Vu

Author's Note: I'll try and keep this brief. First, I want to give a big thank you to everyone who has read, and especially those who have reviewed, my story. The reviews inspire me to keep writing, so if you want more please keep it up! I won't continue posting if there's no interest in the story.

There's also one thing I want to clear up before it becomes an issue: I do plan to stay as close as possible to the plot as written in New Moon, but starting in this chapter I will need to change a few details of setting and so on in order to make the story work with the twist I've given it. So for those of my readers who will notice the inconsistencies, be aware that they are intentional. Thanks!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, New Moon, or any of the characters and events contained therein. They are the intellectual property of the talented Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Chapter Three - Déjà vu**

It was a short drive to Port Angeles, but on this evening it seemed interminable. I couldn't help thinking back to the first time Bella and I had been to Port Angeles together, the night that I had confessed my true nature to her. The similarities between the two situations were striking, to tell the truth. She was out with Jessica, and I had been following her, unnoticed. Trying to protect her. Hopefully that would be where the similarities ended. On that last occasion, four men with evil intentions cornered Bella in an alley, and I only just rescued her in time. My foot pressed harder on the gas pedal as I remembered what I had seen in those men's minds that night. A part of me still regretted not taking the opportunity to end their worthless lives, but it would hardly have been suitable to let Bella see something like that. Besides, I had sworn off vigilante justice decades ago.

I had arrived. I pulled up outside the theater and mentally scanned the crowd inside to find Jessica's mind. I disliked Jessica Stanley intensely, but if she could help me keep track of Bella, then I supposed I would have to listen to her shallow and frequently spiteful thoughts and be grateful. It didn't take me long to find her. I smiled grimly as the thought occurred to me that her mental voice was every bit as strident and irritating as her normal one. I wondered what Bella's mind would sound like.

It seemed the movie had ended. It must have been a scary one; Jessica's mind was full of images of severed limbs and dead-eyed zombies. Ridiculous. She would do better to fear the terrors that actually exist. Her residual fear was swiftly overtaken by irritation.

_Where on earth did Bella get to? That girl just seems to get weirder and weirder all the time. She didn't seem frightened at all by that movie, and then she just bolts. I have no idea what Mike sees in her. Ah, there she is… _

She asked Bella a few questions about the movie, but Bella's answers must not have satisfied her, because her irritation did not abate. If anything, it was aggravated. I was remembering exactly why I didn't like Jessica.

_Ha! Bella actually looks a bit like one of those zombies when she's in her "blank slate" mood. I was hoping to get some details from her tonight about what happened with her and Edward; _everyone_ is dying to know. No one has been able to get anything out of Bella for all this time. Doesn't look like that's going to happen, though. We might as well grab dinner and head for home. I wish I hadn't come._

They would be leaving the theater at any moment now. They meant to walk a few blocks to the McDonald's down the street. I got out of my car and positioned myself in a patch of deep shadow where I would still be able to see the theater exit.

I reached the shadows just as they got to the doors. There she was. My Bella. It was immediately clear that time had not yet had the brainwashing, healing effect on her that I had hoped for. She was deathly pale, and she had lost weight she could not afford to lose. She looked sad, even though I could tell she was making an effort for Jessica's sake. More than that, she seemed frail and a little lost, as though her ties to reality were weaker than they should be. And she was still the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. My stomach twisted with my desire to go to her, to wrap my arms around her and offer whatever comfort I could.

All this was observed in a split second. Then she stepped into the breeze and her scent reached me. Sweet and floral and uniquely _hers,_ I knew that fragrance would stay with me even if all other memories faded away. As always, venom flowed to my mouth and my muscles screamed at me to spring, to hunt. The dull ache in my throat became a burning, painful thirst. I was a monster still. In my panic for Bella's safety, I had not stopped to feed today, and that oversight made my reactions still stronger. Yet somehow I was able to overcome the thirst with just a moment's effort and I was left with just the sweet feeling of wonderment that Bella had always inspired in me. Perhaps my fear for her safety was lending strength to my rational mind.

Shrugging off my distraction, I realized that the two girls were almost out of sight around the corner. Hurriedly, but still moving at a human speed, I maneuvered myself into a position across the street and a dozen yards behind them, keeping to the shadows. They both seemed preoccupied; I was sure they wouldn't notice me.

This street was dimly lit; the town should do something about that. I could only assume the drunken patrons of the seedy bar up ahead were responsible for most of the broken streetlights. It looked like that kind of place. I had never experienced being drunk, and I idly wondered what it felt like. What on earth could inspire normally sensible human beings to such heights of stupidity? By the look of them, the group of young men who had gathered outside the bar for a cigarette could give me some insight on that question. They were definitely under the influence.

Jessica was getting nervous, possibly the first sign of good sense I'd ever seen from her. Bella was still oblivious, lost in whatever she was thinking. Even as the thought crossed my mind she seemed to become more aware, possibly alerted by Jessica's unusual silence. She looked around, getting her bearings. I saw her take in the group of men outside the bar, just as she was directly across the street from them. Rather than follow Jessica's lead and walk faster, Bella stopped. She turned towards the open door of the bar, bringing her face fully into my view.

The look of confusion I had noted earlier seemed more pronounced. It was almost like she had been struck by the same sense of déjà vu that I had. She was frozen. Jessica had finally noticed that Bella wasn't beside her and turned around.

"Bella, come _on_!" Her voice sounded tense and worried. _What the heck is she doing? Those guys are scary… and not even cute!_

For once, I wished Bella would listen to Jessica. But instead she stepped forward into the street, moving towards the bar. What was she thinking? Time seemed to slow down in that second. I took a closer look at the men outside the bar. They seemed harmless enough, but they were drunk, and rowdy. Their mood might change swiftly with the right catalyst.

Jessica had run up to Bella and caught her arm before she had taken more than one or two steps. She gave Bella a firm shake, then pulled her in and hissed, "Bella! You can't go into a bar!"

"I'm not going in," Bella answered, sounding like she was scarcely paying attention. "I just want to see something…"

"Are you crazy?" Jessica whispered. "Are you suicidal?"

For a moment Bella seemed shaken from her daze. She looked at Jessica with a guarded expression. "No, I'm not."

Jessica looked shocked, and her grip on Bella's arm loosened enough for Bella to shrug free. _Oh my God, I think she really is suicidal._

All of a sudden I thought so, too. I had never allowed the thought that Bella might hurt herself to cross my mind. After all, she had promised not to do anything foolish. She promised!

The men across the street had become aware of the confrontation going on just a few short steps away from them and were watching with mild amusement. Under their breath, they launched into a lively discussion of whether Jessica or Bella was "hotter." As if there could ever be a comparison!

Unaware, Bella made a dismissive gesture at Jessica and said, "Go eat – I'll catch up in a minute." She pushed Jessica away and continued to cross the street. The lustful thoughts of the men erupted with jubilation.

I couldn't help myself, my rage boiled over. I hissed at her, "Bella, stop this right now!"

Bella didn't react as I expected. She froze in place, and for a moment seemed to hunch in on herself as if in anticipation of a blow. After a second she straightened, and looked around wildly, her eyes wide with shock. She didn't see me, however. And she didn't turn back.

"Go back to Jessica," I continued, my fury scarcely controlled. "You promised – nothing stupid." And this definitely qualified.

Bella looked around and shook her head as if to clear it. She didn't realize she had actually heard me! She thought she was hearing voices. Was her grip on reality really that much loosened?

Jessica and the four men stood as though locked in place, all looking confused by Bella's actions. They were obviously far enough away that they hadn't heard me.

"Keep your promise, Bella," I said, more softly now. No need to push my luck.

Bella seemed to be thinking hard about something, her forehead deeply creased. Then a determined look came over her and she took another step towards the men, who were now debating among themselves about who would talk to her first.

I growled deep in my throat. "Bella, turn around." My muscles tensed to spring if the situation should require it.

Her reaction surprised me. She gave a small smile, looking more relieved now than confused. Maybe I was making things worse.

Predictably, the most confident and least civilized of the four men had won the debate. He was tall, about my height, and blond. He stood with the arrogant stance of a man who's feeling bulletproof and thinks he's God's gift to the world. "Hi," he said. Nice opening line. His thoughts were barely more eloquent. _Here she comes! She totally wants me! Score one for Steve-o!_

I snarled in disgust. Bella heard me and smiled. It was the wrong thing for her to do, since the blond man took it as encouragement.

"Can I help you with something? You look lost." _I guarantee you I can help you with something, sweetheart._

Something in Bella finally seemed to realize that this was not a situation she wanted to be in. She didn't look afraid, it was more like she was disappointed somehow. I really did not understand her motives at all, but at least she quickly wrapped up the conversation and returned to Jessica. The young men stared after them with expressions of chagrin and anger as the girls hurried toward the distant restaurant.

Before I had time to breathe a sigh of relief and resume my surveillance, the blond man separated from his friends and hurried after the girls. _I think she's just shy… if I catch up to her without these morons around, it'll be different. Maybe her friend will be into it too. _I didn't need to listen any further to fill in the blanks. The minds of lust-filled humans were disgusting places.

"Steve-o" was about half a block behind Bella and Jessica when I silently caught up to him and pulled him into a side street.

"What the…" whatever else he was going to say was lost as I slammed my knee between his legs.

"I really don't think she's that into you," I whispered, smiling for the first time since coming into sight of the bar. He groaned again and lost consciousness. I knew from my experience wrestling with Emmett that vampire limbs are as unforgiving as granite when they hit you. That would _really_ have hurt. I, on the other hand, was feeling better than I had in days. Maybe months.

The whole altercation had taken less than a minute. I swiftly caught up with the girls and watched as they entered the MacDonald's restaurant. The large windows ensured that I never lost sight of them while they ordered, paid, and swiftly ate. Jessica was furious, even refusing to talk to Bella. For once, I found myself in sympathy with her feelings. Bella had scared the life out of me, too. They ate hurriedly in awkward silence, and then returned to their car by a longer but better-lit route, much to my satisfaction.

I followed them home, always keeping at least one car between them and me. It was a painfully slow drive, but I had a lot to process. Bella was safe now, but it could have ended very differently, and my stomach churned thinking about it. The events of the evening played and replayed in my mind, and I didn't see how I could have done anything differently, how I could have prevented the incident altogether.

Bella was always an enigma to me, but this time I was completely and totally lost. What had drawn her to that situation? If she were wrapped up in the sense of déjà vu, I would have expected her to run, or at the very least to seem afraid. But then, Bella never had done what I expected her to. Round and round my thoughts swirled, never coming to a resolution other than that I would need to keep even closer watch over Bella than I had planned.

We had arrived. I drove on past Jessica's car as Bella was getting out and returned to my previous parking spot around the corner. I could hear Bella's feeble attempts at reconciliation, and Jessica's cold rebuffs. A car door slammed. Moments later Jessica passed me, still fuming. _I can't WAIT to tell Lauren about this! She's always said there was something weird about Bella. I wish I had listened to her sooner. _

I heard Charlie's thoughts as Bella entered the house and greeted him. He was upset; he had been worried about her. I wondered why – he had known where she was, so what was the problem? Was going out for the evening so totally out of character for her lately? I was afraid I knew the answer.

Bella must have gone to her room, because I could sense Charlie going through his usual locking up routine. He checked the basketball scores one more time on the TV, slowly climbed the stairs to his room and was soon sound asleep. I examined my surroundings carefully. The lights were off in all of the few houses in this area, and I didn't sense anyone nearby, so I decided to take a risk. I walked over to Bella's front yard and stood by the tree outside her window, listening. Her window was open, taking advantage of the rare break in the rain, and if I concentrated, I could just barely hear the soft sounds of her breathing. She was already deeply asleep, by the sound of it.

The temptation to climb up the tree and enter her room was overwhelming. During those few months that would always be the golden age of my unnaturally long existence, I had spent nearly every night in Bella's room, whether she was aware of it or not. She talked in her sleep, and those glimpses into her subconscious were an addictive pleasure. Those nighttime moments were some of my most treasured memories. It would be so easy – and surely she would never know. It would hardly fit in with my plan to stay out of sight, though. Better to be safe than sorry. I also doubted it would make it any easier for me to keep from revealing myself to her, or to leave when the time came. In the end, I sat down at the base of the tree and settled in to enjoy the sensation of being even this near to her.

To pass the time, I slipped into one of my favorite fantasies. It was made all the sweeter by Bella's nearness, for I could almost convince myself it was truly going to happen. I climbed the tree as I had so many times before, and silently slipped in through the window. I crossed the floor to kneel beside Bella's bed, and gazed upon her sleeping form. Her perfect features the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I allowed my eyes to linger on her neck, her collarbone, and lower, at an intoxicating shape only partially concealed by the thin quilt. Her lips were slightly parted, and I gently traced them with a fingertip. She smiled, but did not wake. I stroked her deep brown hair and the silky texture sent shivers of pleasure all over my body. I bent to nuzzle her neck, kissing the hollow just behind her ear, and her scent stunned me. I drew back to look at her face, and her eyes were open, their expression surprised and joyful.

"Edward?" she whispered. "I knew you would come." A smile of welcome illuminated her perfect face, and she threw her arms around me. I could hear her heart beating faster and faster, feel the blood rushing beneath her skin, and I was content. I was with my Bella, and nothing could improve on this moment.

I don't know how long I had been sitting there when I was shaken from my dream-like state by a blood-curdling scream from above. Without conscious thought, I was up the tree and looking in the window. I could hear Charlie awake, so I didn't enter, but I needed to see that Bella was safe. She seemed to be still sleeping, but clearly her dreams were anything but pleasant. She tossed under her quilt, moaning and mumbling incoherently. I heard only one word I recognized.

"Edward." The whimper in her sleeping voice broke my heart anew. I should never have allowed her to come to care for me so much. Curse my wretched weakness!

Charlie rushed in then to wake Bella and comfort her, so I silently shimmied down the tree and back to my waiting place. I was filled with remorse. Bella was having nightmares, nightmares about me. Even the serenity of her sleep, such an essential human pleasure, had been taken from her. Not for the first time, I wished that Carlisle had never changed me, that I had died of the influenza that was meant to take me all those years ago. Then Bella's life would never have been tainted. But that meant I would never have known her. The pain of that thought shook me, and even the balm of Bella's nearness wasn't enough to save me from the shuddering agony. All I could do was hold on to the ground and wait for the torture to end.

When I could, I rose to a standing position. I needed to hunt. I could not afford to take any more risks with Bella's safety than I already was, and my reaction to her scent would only be stronger the more time I spent thirsty. Bella would be safe; I would not go far enough that I could not "hear" any intruder approaching the house.

Before giving myself over to the sensations of the hunt, one last rational thought occurred to me. What was done, was done. I had been changed, I had met Bella, and my life was both enriched and impoverished. I could not change these facts. But it was my responsibility to repair the damage done if I could. I needed to stay focused, to stay sane, long enough to ensure that Bella was safe. After that, however, was an entirely different proposition. There was a certain appeal to madness now.


	5. Chapter 4: Frustration

Author's Note: Thank you all for the reviews! This chapter wouldn't have made it without them!

Disclaimer: I did not create _Twilight_ and _New Moon_. Stephenie Meyer did. No copyright infringement is intended with this story.

Chapter Four – Frustration 

After completing my hunt, I returned to my post under Bella's window. Listening to her sleep had once been a pleasure, but tonight it was another part of my penance. Her rest was disturbed several more times by nightmares, though none were as violent as the first. It pained me, but I remained where I was until I saw the first signs of light in the east and heard Charlie's mind wake to prepare for yet another fishing trip. It must be Saturday. Bella would be working today.

This morning signaled a return to the rain that was Forks' signature weather pattern. It was a relief to me. The thick veil of falling moisture would provide invaluable cover for my surveillance of Bella. In addition, I wouldn't have to worry about avoiding any stray sunbeams that might break through the cloud cover. I had missed Forks. The constant rain soothed me; here at least the outside world matched how I felt.

Once Charlie rose, I returned to my Fusion and changed out of my drenched clothes in the backseat. Not that the dampness was uncomfortable, but I would surely look odd to anyone who might catch a glimpse of me. I was down to my last change of clothes, so I would have to make a trip out to my family's Forks home and restock from what I had left behind. A shower would be nice too, if I could find the time. Bella's shift at the Newton's store usually went until four o'clock on Saturdays, so I should be able to sneak away at some point. How much trouble could she get into working the cash register in a sporting goods store?

It made me nervous to leave Bella in the house alone once Charlie had left. I couldn't track her thoughts, and without Charlie around to keep me aware of her movements I was essentially blinded. But I didn't dare to peek in the windows, in case she should see me. Besides, she did deserve some degree of privacy, so I contented myself with scanning the surrounding area for anyone approaching. I parked my car in a new position, where I would be able to see when Bella left for work. Though it would be impossible to miss the sound of her ancient truck roaring to life.

When Bella exited the house around eight-thirty, she was dressed for work in jeans and a button-down shirt. Which were of course covered by a huge black rain slicker and rubber boots. Bella hated the rain. I wondered why she had remained in Forks, now that her mother was permanently settled in Jacksonville, Florida. I could no longer be the draw.

Once Bella was safely settled at Newton's Olympic Outfitters, I sped home. My family and I never took much with us when we left a place. Material goods mean little when you can afford to buy whatever you want when you get where you're going. To tell the truth, the money doesn't even mean much once you pass a certain point. The house looked much the same as it had when I last saw it. A little dusty, perhaps, and the ferns had taken over the front yard, but the place otherwise unchanged. It was strange to return to an old home; it was something we hardly ever did, for obvious reasons. The sameness felt eerie, as though my life was just sitting here waiting for me to move back into it.

That train of thought could take me nowhere good. I headed up to the room that had been mine. I had a nearly full closet of clothes to choose from, so I packed my bag with enough clothes to last me few days, then selected jeans and a black sweater and headed for my bathroom.

The hot shower was so soothing over my icy flesh that it was tempting to stay there forever. If I stayed long enough, the heat of the water might even start to warm me. I would feel almost alive again. Only the thought of what might happen to Bella in my absence spurred me to hurry.

Refreshed, I returned to Newton's and settled in to wait. I discovered what was so far the only change in Bella's life that pleased me. It seemed Mike Newton, who was working with Bella today, had given up on his hopeless crush on her. Judging from his thoughts, he barely spoke to her during their entire shift. It seemed strange that he would give up on her after I had exited the scene, when he had pursued her so doggedly before, but I was never one to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Actually, Mike seemed to be in a state of unrelieved boredom, his main thought being a constant image of the clock over the counter, slowly ticking away the seconds to freedom. They had scarcely any customers today, but in the mid-afternoon a pair of backpackers came in and spent over an hour debating about gear. For the most part it was unbearably tedious, but I did pick up one detail of interest from their thoughts. It seemed one of the men had seen a bear of enormous size in the woods surrounding Forks. At least, he thought it was a bear. There was something about the image I saw in his mind that triggered a long-ago memory of mine, but I couldn't quite grasp what it was. It looked wrong for a bear, though. Whatever it was, it might make good hunting.

Mike had momentarily escaped from the backpackers and was urging Bella to leave early. She protested, but eventually gave in, and I soon saw her leave the store and run to her truck. She started the engine and left the parking lot with my Fusion, unnoticed, a little way behind her.

I had no idea where she was going. She was not headed toward home, or to Jessica's house, or anywhere else that I could think of. Rather it seemed like she was just driving randomly, avoiding going home. We were in an unfamiliar residential area when she suddenly pulled over. I stopped a long way behind her and waited. And waited some more. What was she doing? I couldn't see her clearly through the rain that was now coming down in torrents, but it looked like she was just sitting in the truck cab, staring straight ahead. Had she noticed my car following her? I had almost decided to take evasive action when she got out of her vehicle and headed for a house across the street.

She walked to the front door and rang the bell. I couldn't see who answered, and their thoughts were unfamiliar to me, other than that I knew the boy was a freshman at Forks High School. Bella didn't go in. It looked from her body language as though she was asking questions about something. Then she and the boy both headed back down the driveway toward the two motorcycles I finally noticed lying in a heap by the curb. _Motorcycles? _Bella couldn't even walk across a flat surface without hurting herself, and she wanted a motorcycle? Maybe I didn't have a monopoly on the insanity market. At least these particular deathtraps were in no danger of running anytime soon.

Bella and the boy struggled to load the two bikes into the back of her truck. The kid was warning her about the non-working condition of the motorcycles, but Bella reassured him that she knew someone who could fix them. Who could that be? The only person Bella knew who knew anything about engines was Charlie, and Charlie would never agree to fix the bikes for her. Years of cleaning up traffic accidents had given Charlie a healthy dose of reality; he would never allow his only daughter to do something so recklessly foolish.

Bella was definitely heading for home now, pushing her truck as fast as it would go. When she arrived she didn't even cut the engine, just ran into the house and was back out a few minutes later. She jumped into the driver's seat of the ancient Chevy and we were off once again.

We were only driving for a few minutes when I realized where Bella had to be headed. We were going to the La Push native reservation. I groaned. It really seemed as though Bella knew I was here and was _trying_ to make my job more difficult.

My family had made a pact with the La Push tribe many years ago, long before any of the current tribe had been born. They believed us when we told them we did not consume humans and allowed us to remain in the area, but they were cautious enough that they made us promise never to set foot on their own land. I bristled even now as I thought of the means they had used to force us to agree, but Forks had been too perfect an area for us to pass up.

Bella had crossed the boundary over which I could not follow. I pulled over and thought for a moment. The tribal elders all knew my family had left, they would not be expecting me to be here. I knew how to be stealthy in the woods, and they had no trackers that would be able to find my trail. As the final straw, La Push was full of wooded areas much like the one Alice had seen in her vision. This could be it. I had to try to follow her.

I parked the Fusion on an abandoned side road where it couldn't be seen from the highway and continued on foot. This was no domesticated parkland forest. It was thick and overgrown, with moss hanging down from the trees and brambles growing everywhere. And now that I was here, it was even complete with a mythical monster. The moisture on the undergrowth soon left me drenched, but at least the damp ground made my passage completely silent. I started to run, slowly for me, roughly following the highway. I listened for the distinctive sound of Bella's truck and inhaled deeply, trying to find a trace of her scent. I found something very different.

I caught their stench before I heard or saw them. It was vile, hot and heavy. It reminded me of the reek of wet dog, but wet dog could never smell menacing. This was something I hadn't smelled in decades; I had believed they were all passed on. But it seemed the pack had risen again. Werewolves. This was an unforeseen complication.

They stepped out of the trees a moment later. There were three of them, wolf-shaped, but much larger than any normal canine. The leader was the largest of all, black as night and standing six feet tall. He weighed perhaps three times as much as the average man. I realized that this was what the hiker had seen. Lucky for him he had taken it for a bear.

The lead wolf glanced back at his two companions and they sank to their haunches. I didn't realize how silent they had been until the second wolf, a mottled gray, let out a deep, fierce growl. I snarled back, instinctively baring my teeth. Vampires had only one true enemy, and right now they outnumbered me.

Without any warning, the lead wolf shifted form. One second a wolf stood before me, the next there was a tall native man. He was much younger than I expected, no more than nineteen or twenty. If he was the alpha, his pack mates would be younger still. I was surprised that the tribal elders were giving this much free rein to young wolves. Revere them they might, but the elders still knew how dangerous these curs could be before they gained control over their shape shifting. As the dog took human form, his thoughts came into focus for me and I knew that he was murderously angry. Fortunately, he was surprised enough at finding me here that he was holding back his pack mates – for the moment.

"What are you doing here, leech?" He didn't bother to mask his contempt.

"I don't know why I should tell you, dog." I could not afford to antagonize them, but my natural hatred for their kind was making it hard to think straight. Their stench burned my nostrils and my entire body longed to spring into an attack.

"This is our land! You should remember the terms of the treaty. You negotiated them." _And I thought your family had left Forks for good._

I answered his thoughts rather than his words. "We did leave. I found a reason to come back. It might interest you, actually." I was fighting hard to maintain a calm façade. The reality was, the three of them were more than a match for me. I would need to negotiate with them if I wanted to stay close to Bella.

I had to hand it to him, he didn't betray any surprise at my reading his thoughts. Perhaps he was better informed than I supposed. "I doubt that, bloodsucker." His tone was full of contempt, but I could sense curiosity behind his words.

"Someone is coming. Someone who is considerably less… benevolent than my family and myself." I proceeded to quickly tell him of Alice's vision of Laurent and Bella. "And so I've been following Bella, waiting for him to come."

His expression hardened. "What do you care what happens to her, bloodsucker? You left her in the woods alone. You left her! I was the one who found her, you know. I know exactly how much you hurt that girl." I saw an image in his mind, Bella lying on the forest floor, shivering and mumbling nonsense. I blinked, trying to clear it from my consciousness. The wolf-man smirked, amused by something in my expression

My self-control snapped. "You have no idea what the hell you're talking about! I left her because I love her! I was ruining her life!" The other two wolves, whom I had almost forgotten, snapped and growled in protest at my tone. I clamped my mouth shut, shaking with rage and embarrassed at losing control in front of him. "I wouldn't expect you to understand."

But the leader's face twisted, uncertain. Somehow, my outburst seemed to have done more to convince him than all my rational explanations. I saw an image in his mind, a beautiful young woman. At least, she would have been beautiful were she not disfigured by three red, puckered scars down one side of her face. I didn't see her name, but I knew that she was loved deeply to the man standing before me. And I knew that he had been the one who wounded her. Maybe he did understand.

I pressed whatever advantage I had. "I can't allow her to come to harm. Please. Will you let me cross onto your land?" The words were sticking in my throat; it galled me that I needed permission from him.

"I cannot." His face looked determined, yet almost regretful. I started to protest, but he cut me off. "We will watch. I cannot allow you to cross our land. But we will watch her while she is here." He hesitated. I knew what he wanted, but I wasn't going to make it any easier on him.

"One more thing," he continued. "After your business is complete, you will be leaving again?"

I nodded. "And my family has no plans to return either."

"I think that would be for the best." His voice had lost some of its former antagonism, but he would still rejoice when I was gone. "My name is Sam Uley. Contact me if your source comes up with any more information."

I recognized the dismissal and realized this was the best I would get. I could not thank him, but I nodded acknowledgement and turned to leave. I didn't look, but I could tell by the sudden disappearance of his thought pattern that he had shifted form. I ran back the way I had come, seething with frustration and worry.

It was a long time before I heard the rumblings of Bella's truck leaving the reserve. I waited a few minutes after she passed my hiding place, and then followed her at a distance. It was becoming a habit.

She headed straight home and started making dinner for Charlie. When Charlie got home for dinner, I could tell he was surprised at Bella's demeanor.

_Bella's almost smiling! I haven't seen her smile for real since that idiot left. _I was ruefully certain exactly whom Charlie was referring to.

Eavesdropping on Charlie's conversation with Bella filled in the blanks of her afternoon. She had gone to La Push to visit a Jacob Black, the son of one of Charlie's friends. Something about the name seemed familiar, but I could not quite grasp it. I had to assume that this was Bella's mysterious engine-repairing friend. She didn't mention that to Charlie, though.

Whoever this Jacob Black was, he had made Bella happy this afternoon. I should be thankful, but I was torn between rage and pain. It was happening. She was finally getting over me. And I had arrived just in time for a front row seat. It was no more than I deserved, but I did not know how I would avoid killing the whelp. This wave of jealousy was a hundred times worse than how I had felt when Mike had asked Bella to the spring dance. It burned me, nauseated me. At least Bella had turned Mike down!

The evening followed Bella and Charlie's normal pattern. Sports on TV for him, homework in the kitchen for her. The evening for me was a chaotic mix of jealousy, fear, relief – so many feelings swirled through me that I couldn't put a name to them all. I hated Jacob, I was grateful to him, and then I hated him again. I realized that some egotistical part of my mind had relied on the fact that if I so chose, I could have returned to Bella and begged her to take me back. For the first time, I wondered if she would.

The thoughts swirled on and on in my mind. I tried listening to some music to distract myself, but I knew it wouldn't work. Everything reminded me of Bella, and took me right back to the thoughts I was trying to avoid. My grand plan was finally working; Bella was moving on. It didn't comfort me that I had been right.

Finally I sensed Charlie sending Bella to bed, and shortly afterwards, his own thoughts softened into dreams. I wondered if Bella would sleep better tonight. I longed to see her, to inhale her fragrance. Before I was aware of moving, I was standing under her window once again. Perhaps her dreams tonight would help me to understand what was going on in her mind. Ignoring the misty rain, I was up the tree in an instant. I could see no movement within, and before I could talk myself out of it I gently opened the window. It still swung smooth and silently; I had oiled it months ago, when I first started watching Bella. The thought made me smile. Some things remained the same.

I could hear Bella's slow, deep breaths, and I knew she was asleep. Carefully, so carefully, I slipped in the window and padded across the floor to her bed. I knelt on the floor at her side. The night was pitch-black, but the glowing green light of her alarm clock was enough for my supernatural vision. I could see Bella clearly.

I hadn't been this close to her in months. Her delicious scent was as intoxicating as ever, and I inhaled deeply, trying to ignore the painful burn of my thirst as I drank her in with my eyes. I didn't touch her, but I could almost feel the warmth of life radiating from her body, and I basked in the glow. Her heartbeat filled my thoughts.

Her face was peaceful in repose, and so innocent. I remembered that Bella had asked me more than once to change her, to make her a vampire like myself. Her constant request was one of the main reasons I had left, though it was an appealing idea in some ways. If I changed Bella, I would be freed of the constant fear of hurting her. I could stop tormenting myself with the worry that I would end her life by an unintended slip or, worse, by drinking her life's blood away as I constantly craved to do. If I changed her, Bella and I would be able to stay together forever.

Bella had never understood why I was so filled with revulsion at the idea of changing her into a vampire, and I didn't have the heart to explain it to her. How could I tell her that I believed myself to be soulless, lost beyond hope? I couldn't stand to take her perfect innocence and corrupt it. It would not change the way I felt about Bella, but it would change things that were even more important. She didn't understand the consequences, and so I could not let her make the decision. It was so hard to refuse her anything… I sighed softly. If only I could believe that Carlisle was right in his idea that we vampires had not given up all hope of redemption.

As I knelt there absorbing the healing balm of her presence, Bella started to move in her sleep. Her face twisted into an expression of deep sadness. She was starting the bad dreams. I couldn't help myself; I leaned toward her, gently brushed my hand over her hair and whispered, "Hush, Bella. Everything is fine now."

Her eyes fluttered open and suddenly she was looking directly at me. I froze. What had I done? She smiled sleepily and mumbled my name, then her eyes shut and her head fell back to the pillow. Sleep-talking. Relief and disappointment warred within me, but I knew I had to get out of here, now. I slipped down the tree, shutting the window gently behind me.

There was love in her voice when she said my name, I could not have mistaken it. I spent the night beneath her window, getting soaked and no less confused than I had been. And Bella slept without nightmares.

Author's Note: This was the most difficult chapter for me to write so far. I had a tough time with the werewolf scene, capturing the antagonism while still working in the respect between Edward and Sam, and finally managing to get them to the point of being able to work together to some degree. It still feels a little choppy to me. The final scene, where Edward is agonizing over his decision to keep Bella human was tough too. I still don't know if I managed to explain his inner turmoil clearly. Argh!

I'm happy with parts of this chapter, and I hate other parts, so if anyone has any advice for me, particularly on how to craft a smooth dialogue, I would appreciate it! And as always, all reviews are greatly appreciated!


	6. Chapter 5: Speed

Disclaimer: As I may have mentioned previously, I did not create the plot or characters of _Twilight_ and _New Moon_. Stephenie Meyer did, and I'm very grateful that she allows us to borrow them. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Five – Speed 

Sunday was a torture so exquisite that the Marquis de Sade could have devised it. Bella got into her truck and drove back to La Push, but almost before I had settled in to wait, she was driving out again. And this time she had company: Jacob Black.

Once I saw him, I realized that I had in fact met Jacob before. His father had sent him to the prom last year to warn Bella away from me. Jacob had no idea why, of course, but still the fact did nothing to make me like him better. He had changed a bit since I last saw him. He was several inches taller, and had lost much of his babyish look. He actually looked Bella's age or a little older, even though he was two years her junior. This also did nothing to endear him to me. I knew I was being petty, but I had to admit I hated this kid.

The one good thing about Jacob traveling with Bella today was that I could glean from his thoughts where they were going, and I was able to beat them there several times. Even unobservant Bella would catch on sooner or later if the same vehicle were constantly behind her. They went to the dump and Jacob dug around for a while in the scrap pile, coming up with several pieces of greasy black metal. They went to auto repair shops and bought a few parts. She really was going to have him fix the motorcycles. I listened to Jacob's mind, and I could only hope that he was not as good at fixing engines as he thought he was.

Finally they turned back toward Forks. As I listened to their easy banter reflected in Jacob's thoughts, I was gripped again by fierce jealousy. Jacob was making her smile. Jacob was sitting next to her, enjoying her presence. Worse still, Jacob was constantly thinking about how much he liked Bella, how he would like to hold her hand, to kiss her. He was thanking his lucky stars that I had left and she had remembered him. As a growl rose in the back of my throat, a more rational part of my mind argued that this was what I had wanted. Jacob was a nice guy, funny and easygoing; he was good for Bella. I might even have liked him if I hadn't had to listen to his every thought about how he wanted to take my place in Bella's life.

It was almost a relief when they returned to the reserve and drove out of range of my gift. But as the hours ticked by, I began to wonder if reality could truly be any worse than the scenarios my mind was coming up with. It was after dark before Bella's truck passed me, heading for Forks. She had Charlie with her this time; he must have arrived with someone else. I could not resist listening in on Charlie's thoughts about the evening, but I regretted it. He was delighted, because Bella had had a wonderful time with Jake. He was hoping Jake would help her "get over that bastard." I couldn't blame Charlie for hating me. In his place, I would hate me too.

After the near-disaster of the previous night, I had resolved not to go anywhere near Bella's window after dark again. I hunted; it was impossible to be too careful. But after that I spent a long and lonely night alone in my car, watching the persistent drizzle drench the world. Even the closed windows were not enough to isolate me from Bella's screaming when her nightmares began.

The next week passed quickly, falling into a predictable routine. I followed Bella to school, then to work or to the outskirts of the reserve. I tried to ignore the increasing presence of Jacob Black, but it was difficult. He was with Bella almost constantly when she was not at school or work. And I had to admit, he was not the one who did the pursuing. Bella always sought him out.

On Sunday morning, however, Bella tore out of the house with more than her usual enthusiasm. As I had expected, she was going to La Push, but she and Jacob emerged shortly… with two shiny and apparently functional motorcycles in the back of the truck. It seemed that Jacob had an excellent understanding of his own skill with engines. Apprehension tensed my whole body, making me feel like there were ants crawling over every inch of my skin. This was not going to be pretty.

There was hardly anyone on the road today, making it difficult to stay inconspicuous. Fortunately I was once again able to track Jacob's thoughts and stay out of sight. I followed the truck along little used side roads until they reached a road that I knew was a dead end. No doubt Bella wanted privacy for this particular outing. If anyone saw her on a motorcycle, they would report it to Charlie in an instant. Anyone, that is, who was not a teenage boy with a hopeless crush on her. Did Jacob Black really have no idea of how clumsy Bella was? I doubted she had the first idea what to do with a motorcycle. I would call Charlie myself if I could think of a way to alert him without giving myself away.

I hid my car and traveled on foot to where I knew they must have been going. There was a small clearing at the end of this road where they would have space to park the truck and unload the bikes. I approached carefully, in case they were actually paying attention, but I need not have bothered. I arrived just in time to see Bella throw her arms around Jacob's waist and bury her face in his chest.

"Oh, Jake, it'll be okay!" she declared, her voice somewhat muffled. "If it gets worse you can come live with me and Charlie. Don't be scared, we'll think of something!"

I did not know what Jacob was upset about. His mind had gone completely blank in shock when Bella hugged him, but instinct kicked in and he wrapped his arms around her. I had to physically hold onto the vegetation around me to remind myself not to jump on him and tear him apart.

"Thanks, Bella," he mumbled. _She's touching me! She smells so good, I wonder if she would mind if I… _he lifted his hand to Bella's hair and stroked it gently

"If this is how you're going to react, I'll freak out more often," he continued, laughing gently. _I would do almost anything to get you to react like this again._

Just when I thought that I couldn't stand it anymore, Bella pushed away from him, laughing.

"It's hard to believe I'm two years older than you. You make me feel like a dwarf." Her light banter broke the mood. I was delighted.

Jacob Black was definitely not delighted. But to his credit, he followed her lead and they continued teasing each other as Jacob got the motorcycles ready to go. The undergrowth was so dense here that I was no more than ten feet away from them, yet neither of them was aware of my presence.

Finally the bikes were ready. Bella straddled one of the motorcycles, and Jacob proceeded to give her a rundown on how the machine worked. She really had no idea. She was starting to realize that herself. I could see a nervous expression starting to grow on her face. Maybe she would give up this madness after all. The machine wobbled under her, and the look on her face went from nervousness to terror. I sighed when I recognized the determination that was there too. No one could be stubborn like Isabella Swan.

Jacob had finished his instruction and was starting the motorcycle. She was really going to go through with this. I contemplated calling an ambulance right now, so it would be here in time. I even checked my cell phone: no service. It figured.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Jacob was asking. "You look scared."

Of course she's scared, you idiot! She's about to die! I wanted to scream at him. I was so tense that my nerves felt ready to break. I wanted to run to Bella, snatch her off the motorcycle, and whisk her away to where nothing could ever, ever hurt her.

\

Bella snapped, "I'm fine!" Jacob nodded and took a few steps back from the motorcycle.

"Now, very gently, ease up on the clutch. Just do it little by little." Jacob was several steps away now. A part of my mind was detached enough to be impressed that Bella had managed to keep the grumbling red monster upright without help. The other parts all wanted to tell Bella exactly how moronic she was behaving.

I decided to chance it. "This is reckless and childish and idiotic, Bella." I was careful to keep my voice low enough the boy wouldn't hear.

Bella started, her hand falling off the clutch. Predictably, the bike jerked forward and crashed down on her. She wouldn't be hurt, but it might teach her a lesson.

"I told you so," I murmured at her.

Jacob rushed over and yanked the motorcycle off Bella. It was beginning to dawn on him exactly what he had gotten himself into. _Man, she _really_ has no clue how to do this. I thought she was just kidding. This might not be such a good idea after all. Charlie will never let me date her if I manage to land her in the ER_.

Clearly he was hoping that Bella would give up on this nonsense, but both he and I were disappointed. As soon as she stopped shaking, Bella was back on the motorcycle, ready to try again. She seemed even more enthusiastic, if anything. She was grinning from ear to ear. I scanned the ground where she had fallen for any large rocks I might have missed. Maybe she hurt herself worse than I thought.

"Easy on the clutch," Jacob reminded her, as he took a couple of steps away.

"Do you _want_ to kill yourself, then? Is that what this is about?" I hissed the words at Bella.

Bella only smiled – smiled! Of all the foolish reactions!

"Go home to Charlie," I ordered, trying to inject as much authority into my tone as possible. Bella, you promised. Nothing stupid.

"Ease off slowly," the punk was coaching her at the same time.

"I will," she replied. For a moment I didn't know which one of us she was answering.

And then it didn't matter as she was easing off the clutch and giving the engine some gas. I growled with frustration, more loudly than I should have. The motorcycle provided enough noise to cover my slip.

Suddenly Bella was breezing away down the road. I kept pace with her in the bushes, not worried about the noise I must be making. No one would hear it over the roar of the engine. If I only stayed out of sight, I would be fine. My stomach clenched as I saw the manic look on Bella's face. She loved this. I felt as though my nerves were being shoved through a paper shredder as I watched, every second expecting her to fall.

I twisted through the thick underbrush, once again getting soaked for my efforts. Bella was doing surprisingly well. In fact, she was looking down as though trying to remember how to shift gears. She wanted more speed. It was then that I saw the curve in the road ahead. A wall of thick green vegetation was rapidly approaching, the graceful tree trunks suddenly appearing as menacing and deadly as a hungry mountain lion.

"No, Bella! Watch what you're doing!" I told her.

She looked up, and her manic grin changed to horror in an instant as she realized what was about to happen.

"Brakes, brakes," she mumbled under her breath. The first sensible thing she had said all day! She knew how to use brakes; I had heard the kid explaining to her earlier.

It all happened too fast for me to respond. Bella may have known how to use brakes, but in her panic she went for the wrong ones, plunging down the foot brake. The motorcycle started to fishtail, Bella yanked the handlebars the wrong way, and that was all it took for the shiny red deathtrap to launch into a wild spin, still moving straight toward the deadly trees. The motorcycle hit moss and started to slow down, finally bumping to a stop against a tree, with Bella pinned on her stomach beneath it.

I could smell blood, Bella's blood, and my ever-present thirst roared to violent life. Snarls and growls of fear and frustration ripped from my throat. I couldn't go near her like this. I stopped inhaling, to make it a little easier, and then I saw that help was already on the way. Jacob seemed to have seen the impending danger and was already roaring toward Bella on the other motorcycle. He stopped, threw his own motorcycle aside, and pulled the offending machine off Bella's still form. Once the engines quieted, I could hear her heartbeat and breathing, but I couldn't tell where she was bleeding.

For a moment she was frighteningly still. Then she rolled over onto her back, her face covered with mud and green bits of dirt, and gasped for air. She was bleeding profusely from a large cut on her forehead, but seemed otherwise unhurt.

"Wow," she breathed. She sounded excited. Why did she never react the way a normal human should?

"Bella! Bella, are you alive?" Jacob Black was crouching next to her, panicked thoughts running through his mind.

"I'm great!" She exclaimed, flexing her limbs as though to verify her statement. "Let's do it again." Again? Oh, dear God, please no.

Jacob seemed to have at least enough sense to agree with me on this one. "I don't think so. I think I'd better drive you to the hospital first." _She's really bleeding a lot. Charlie is going to KILL me. And that's nothing compared to what Dad will do_.

As I sat in the hospital parking lot waiting while Bella got her stitches, I tried very hard not to think about why this was ironic. I watched Jacob support Bella as they went in, reading the concern in his mind, and observing the way she leaned into him gratefully. I had never been able to do that for Bella. I had been too busy resisting the impulse to kill her.

My cell phone rang, interrupting my morbid thoughts. I glanced at the number on the display and sighed. I debated answering, but I had been avoiding her for a few days now and I was going to have to take her call sooner or later. I might as well get it over with. I opened the phone and held it in front of me, well away from my ear.

"You moron! You imbecile! You complete and total numbskull! I can't believe you have the nerve to do what you're doing. Haven't you learned a bloody thing in all these months?" Alice's tinny voice was loud in the small space. She continued her tirade for a few more minutes, her language getting less and less civil. That was the problem with talking to someone who didn't need to breathe. You could never get a word in edgewise. Where had she learned to swear like that, anyway?

"Good afternoon, Alice. How are you?" It had been _such_ a good idea to leave this conversation for a telephone call. My self-satisfaction may have made my tone a little cocky.

"Oh, pleased with yourself, are you? You think you've managed this just splendidly, I suppose," her tone was pure acid. I was happy that I was unable to hear her thoughts over the phone. I was sure I wouldn't enjoy them.

"Yes, I'm doing quite well, thank you. How's the family?" It was probably best to sit back and let her fury run its course.

"Haven't you seen a thing while you've been there, O Master of Understanding? Don't you have a clue yet what you've been putting Bella through?" Alice knew that was fighting dirty. It broke through my indifference defense.

"Actually, she seems to be doing quite well. She is moving on, Alice, like I told you she would." I could not quite keep the hurt out of my tone.

"And that has got you just furious, hasn't it?" she wheedled, getting pleased with herself. "You're jealous."

"Of course I am, Alice! I never thought it would be easy to watch her move on. I never planned to be here to see it. But I can't let her get hurt." Somewhere along the way, I had lost control of the conversation. I hated how that always happened with Alice. I could read her thoughts and I still never saw it coming.

Her voice softened very slightly. "Just keep in mind that you can't read Bella's thoughts. You have no idea what she's thinking, and her motives might not be what they seem to be.

"And please keep in mind that you don't know the ramifications of your actions there. Some of the things I've seen would turn your hair white." With a click, she was gone.

How very like Alice that was. Just when she was starting to get interesting, she disappeared.

The seven stitches in Bella's forehead did nothing to deter her from riding the motorcycle. Charlie didn't stop her either, so she and Jacob must have done an excellent job of keeping the cause of her injury under wraps. Which all meant that over the next couple of weeks I spent a significant amount of time having my nerves shredded and yelling at Bella while she continued her motorcycle lessons. I was certain by this point that talking to her wasn't convincing her to stop, but I could not help myself. I was furious with her for abandoning our bargain.

Bella almost invariably ended her sessions with the motorcycle being driven to the emergency room by Jacob Black. I wondered if they had some kind of "After Nine Visits, Get Your Tenth One Free" deal. If so, Bella should definitely have signed up.

One evening, after Bella showed up with a particularly bad blow to the head, Dr. Gerandy called Charlie to warn him to keep on eye on Bella overnight, in case she had a concussion. I had been reading Charlie's thoughts at the time, and I'm fairly certain that the doctor also let slip that Bella had been in the ER more often than usual. I had taken to parking my car a few streets away, because an older woman three houses over had started getting suspicious, so I was hiding in the woods behind the house when Charlie got off the phone. I could hear his voice through the open window.

"Isabella Marie Swan." Charlie's voice was more concerned than angry. He was still handling Bella very carefully, as though he was afraid she might break. "The hospital? Again?"

"It's nothing, Charlie. Don't worry." By the sound of her voice, Bella was in the kitchen making dinner. I could smell the aroma of something garlicky drifting my way. I enjoyed the smell, if not the idea of eating.

"Dr. Gerandy said that this was the third time this week, Bella. Is there something we should be talking about?" Charlie was still keeping his tone neutral, but his thoughts were anything but. _Dr. Gerandy said the wounds didn't look self-inflicted. I thought Bella was getting better since she started spending time with Jake, but maybe… No. surely I would have noticed if she were THAT bad. I couldn't live with myself if… Wait, there's no way Jake could be… if he is I'll KILL HIM. _

"No, Charlie, seriously it's nothing. Earlier this week I slipped and fell in Jake's garage. You wouldn't believe how unorganized it is in there, and he keeps moving things." I could hear chairs being scraped across the floor as Bella and Charlie took their places around the small kitchen table. How I would love to be sitting there, no matter how terrible Charlie's thoughts would be to listen to.

Charlie didn't speak for a few moments, thinking over his next words. He would be chewing too, more than likely. By all accounts Bella was an excellent cook. He tried to stay calm, but his voice was suspicious as he suggested, "Maybe you should just stay out of the garage altogether, Bella."

There was no mistaking the horror in her tone as she answered, too quickly. "This didn't happen in the garage. We were hiking, and I tripped over a rock."

I snorted. Bella had become a better liar in the last few months.

"Since when do you hike?" Charlie asked. _I just don't know if I can take Jacob away from her. Sometimes I think he's the only glue holding her together. And he would never hurt her. It's probably thanks to him that she's ONLY been to the emergency room three times this week. _Ha! If Charlie only knew.

After extracting a promise from Bella to be careful, Charlie let the topic pass. He worried about it all night, though he didn't mention it again. If Bella only knew how much her father cared for her, how much time he devoted to worrying about her, she would be astounded.


	7. Chapter 6: Whence We Fell

Author's Note: Over 2400 hits on my story at last count!! Thank you very much! But my last chapter got only four reviews? How very sad. You'll have to do better than that if you want to find out what happens at the end. That's right! There are only two chapters left to go! Review, or you'll always wonder….

I want to leave you with this quote, to put you in an Edward-y frame of mind:

'Tis not where we lie, but whence we fell; The loss of heaven's the greatest pain in hell.  
Pedro Calderon de la Barca

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, events, etc. are the property of the original author, Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Six – Whence We Fell 

Bella stewed over her discussion with Charlie for the next two days. Even though I couldn't hear her thoughts, I could read her expressions. The crease between her eyebrows hardly ever went away in those forty-eight hours. I wondered what she would come up with. She must have had some idea, because when she picked up Jacob on Friday, they did not put the motorcycles in the old Chevy. Instead, she drove down another nearly abandoned road. Again I was forced to be grateful for Jacob's presence in the vehicle, allowing me to follow from a distance. Not hearing Bella's thoughts was so damned inconvenient!

I had given up even trying to be grateful to Jacob Black. I hated him with my entire being; I wished he didn't exist. I had never felt so strong an urge to hurt someone without also feeling thirst. I had once told Bella that I wanted her to run away from me, that that would be the best thing for her. I had said that I would not try to stop her, but I was beginning to wonder whether I could bear watching her belong to another.

With all the time Bella had been spending on her motorcycle, I had been getting abundant experience being in close proximity to her freshly flowing blood. I was finding it easier and easier all the time. The pain didn't abate, but I became able to – almost – ignore it. The blood and gore on the other patients I saw during my time in the hospital parking lot barely registered. Maybe the next time I went through medical school I could actually start to practice.

A new plan began to creep into my mind more and more insidiously as the days went by. If I could resist the lure of Bella's blood, perhaps she and I could be together. I would never change her, and maybe I could make her understand that. I would spend weeks on my knees begging her to take me back if that's what she required; maybe some tiny part of her still cared for me. I could stay with her through her human life, and when she was gone, I would cease to exist as well. A lifespan in her presence was more than I could ask for from this world.

I resisted this train of thought as well as I could, but it was so tempting that avoiding it totally was impossible. There were so many other reasons for me to stay away, but reciting them to myself was beginning to lose its effectiveness. I didn't think I had started to descend into madness again, but who was I to judge? I was exhausted from struggling against my own thoughts; I would have given anything for the temporary relief of sleep.

At some point during my reverie, we had arrived. I parked some distance away, as always, and crept silently but swiftly through the damp forest until I was only a few yards away from the Chevy. I had not been paying close attention to Jacob's thoughts, as all too often that activity led to me imagining various ways to end his young life. So I was surprised when I realized where we were. This was the road where I had taken Bella to start our hike to my meadow, almost a year ago. The sky was overcast, not brilliantly sunny as it had been on that other day, but I would always recognize this place. Why would she bring Jacob to this trail? Surely she could not intend to take him _there_.

But she intended exactly that. Jacob was fiddling with a map and compass, and I could tell from his thoughts that Bella had told him about the meadow, and that they were going to try and find it again. The pain that gripped me then was the worst I had felt in weeks. How could she bear to do this? My memories of my time with Bella and the places where we had been together were sacred to me. I had hoped that she might feel that way too, that she would always remember me, keep some things close to her heart. It was selfish, but I was furious that she would defile my memories, _our_ memories, by sharing our most precious place with the first dimwit who caught her eye!

And then clear thoughts left me as the pain closed in intensely, locking down my muscles and mind, leaving me helpless to do anything but watch and mourn as Bella and Jacob disappeared into the forest together. Watching as my last hope was shattered. I could not even be a part of her life in this tiny way. The emptiness overwhelmed me, a gaping hole that I could not imagine a bottom to. What had I done? How had I imagined that I would be able to go on without her? How was I supposed to make myself even want to?

I could hear Jacob whistling happily, hear his thoughts as he looked for opportunities to take Bella's hand or support her over an obstacle. He deserved her far more than I ever would. She deserved someone like him, someone who would be able to give her all the things I could not. And I had to protect her, to make sure she survived long enough to live that life. I had to find the strength.

Stumbling at first, slowly regaining my composure and stealth, I followed them through the forest. I quickly realized that their current path would take them nowhere near the meadow… Bella's sense of direction strikes again. I was relieved. With any luck, I could be gone before they ever found it. The chances would be even better if I got a chance to tweak the map. The dark humor of the thought cheered me slightly. But still, for the first time I was wishing Laurent would show up so I could leave. Though, I had no idea where I would go next.

I followed the pair through the darkening forest, trying to make my mind numb.

Time passed on. Time has a way of doing that. Bella's activities went on as normal. She got better with her motorcycle and, surprisingly, stopped riding it so often at approximately the same time. She and Jacob did a lot of hiking around looking for the meadow, but since they had decided to keep map and compass in her truck, had no success. Compasses aren't difficult to sabotage, and grid patterns that keep having sections moved and erased are not terribly useful. A few times while I followed them, I smelled traces of werewolf, but I never saw the pack or any other supernatural creatures.

I had gained some ground in my struggles to numb my mind. I could not afford the complete daze I had achieved while I was attempting to track Victoria, but I learned to simply think about nothing for hours at a time, to pretend that the events around me did not affect me. While Bella was at school, when she was at work, and most especially when she was with Jacob, I would turn off as much of my mind as I could, keeping just aware enough to monitor the intentions of the people around her. It was just too painful to be thinking all the time. If I didn't take a break, I would go mad.

I was getting rather good at it, so I really have no idea how long my cell phone was vibrating in my hand before I realized I had a call. I didn't recognize the number, which was unheard of. Only my family was supposed to have this number. I opened the phone and held it to my ear, without speaking.

"Cullen." It was not a question, but I answered anyway.

"Yes."

"Sam Uley. We need to talk. Something's come up." It seemed the wolf was not one for unnecessary words.

"Where?"

"Just head towards La Push. I'll meet you on the border." He hung up.

I was outside Forks High School waiting for Bella to get out of class. I wondered how Sam could possibly know where I was, but if he had managed to get my phone number, maybe he had greater resources at his disposal than I had realized. Perhaps I needed to reevaluate my opinion on the La Push pack.

I quickly scanned the school. Bella would be at lunch right now, with several periods to go before she would be leaving the building. I would not be gone for nearly that long.

I swung myself out of the Fusion, which was parked inconspicuously around the corner from the school, and walked towards the forest. Once under cover of the dense growth, I picked up speed until I was almost flying through the trees, dodging thick branches without thought or effort. It had to be one of the best parts of my cursed excuse for a life.

Within minutes, I was at the border of the Quilete land. I crouched down on my heels and settled in to wait. What could Uley need to tell me? It would not be good news, of that I was certain. If the pack had found and slaughtered Laurent, he would have told me so over the phone, the sooner to have me well away from Forks. Before long, the hot and vile smell of werewolf reached me. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. I rose to standing just as the horse-sized black wolf stalked out of the forest. I didn't see or hear any of the others, but I scanned the forest carefully nonetheless.

When I looked back at the ebony wolf, he had phased into the barefoot, naked form of Sam Uley. Even in human shape, he smelled like wolf. Ugh, they were vile.

"You came to meet me alone?" I knew my tone would betray surprise, but honestly I was glad. For some reason, I found Uley easier to deal with than the others.

"My pack is otherwise engaged at the moment. We've stepped up our patrols lately. You may have heard that there are certain… undesirables in the area."

I acknowledged the rebuke with a tiny smile. He wasn't giving me the whole story. He wasn't the only one with access to information.

"How's your newest pack member?" I asked casually. The others were patrolling, yes, but they were also supervising a new wolf that had "joined" the pack. I swallowed the excess venom pooling in my mouth. Instinct kicking in again.

A raised eyebrow was his only reaction. "He's struggling. It's difficult, in the beginning, to come to terms with a new reality." _A reality as a monster._

Perhaps the facial twitch was not Sam Uley's only reaction. I could see his hands beginning to shake with the effort of containing himself. Memories flashed through his mind. Uley had been the first of his pack to reach puberty and change to a wolf. No one had prepared him; no one had helped him get through it. He had only found help from the tribal elders some weeks after the initial change. _At least we're able to help Embry. He doesn't have to do this alone. I hope they've got him well away from everyone. _

Despite myself, I was overwhelmed with respect for the young man before me. What strength of will he must have! I tried to imagine what would have become of me if I had been born into my new life without the benefit of Carlisle's guidance. I shuddered involuntarily.

Uley seemed to take that the wrong way. It was just as well, I was sure he had no need for either my pity or my respect.

"Let me get to the point," he brusquely interrupted my thoughts. "We've found traces of more of your kind, leech." The insult seemed automatic.

"More? How many?"

"Two, we think. A male and a female. The male is the one you described. The female has red hair and smells like insanity."

"Victoria. I killed her mate last year, so now she must be coming for Bella. Can you tell if they're working together?" I could not keep the naked panic from my voice. This was the last thing I needed.

"They haven't been traveling together, but they have met to talk a few times. They've been keeping to places where we can't get them, but I think it's coincidence. I believe they have no idea the pack is here." Uley's voice was confident. But then, his loved ones were safe. Bella was… I groaned

He met my gaze with concern, not speaking. _How did he manage to leave her? It's killing them both._

I looked away, pretending I hadn't heard him.

"It's none of my business, I know, but this might not be entirely your decision to make. It affects her too." _God knows, as pack leader I shouldn't be saying this. I should just thank my lucky stars he plans to leave. But anyone who saw the poor girl would know…_

"You're right. It is none of your business," I was proud of how detached my voice sounded.

"Then I think our meeting is concluded. Bloodsucker." The epithet really did sound like an afterthought this time. No heat to it at all. "I just thought you should know what we're up against."

He turned away and phased. I had seen it before, but it was still disconcerting the way his body seemed to explode outwards and reform itself into the enormous black wolf. He bounded away into the woods with a low growl.

Laurent _and_ Victoria. What next?

But despite the added danger, the tortuous monotony continued. It was amazing how a situation could be so emotionally painful and yet boring at the same time. I just wanted it all to be over, for Bella to be safe, so I could… I did not exactly know what I was going to do. I couldn't think about that right now.

I never caught a whiff of Laurent or Victoria near Bella's house or anywhere else she was likely to go. Once I found traces of Victoria on my house when I went there for a change of clothes, but the traces were a few days old and I could not risk falling for another diversion with the stakes so high. Other than that one instance, the only reminders I had that things had changed were the werewolf traces Bella and Jacob unknowingly crossed during their futile search for the meadow.

I stayed in a state of emotional withdrawal as much as I could. I knew there were things in my mind waiting to be dealt with, but I could not deal with them right now. I created a wall of indifference around myself. Maybe if I pretended I didn't care what was happening, someday it would be true. It was unlikely my defenses would ever be that good, but I was proud of my achievement. With a little effort I could almost manage to be amused at some of the predicaments Bella managed to land herself in.

Like the plan she brokered to get a big group of people together and go to the movies in Port Angeles. Bella forgot to factor in that most of her former "friends" were now more like enemies. The only people in her group who were still speaking to her were Mike and Angela. And Mike didn't count. Now that Bella was getting back to normal, he was back to his accustomed thoughts of getting a date – and more – with her.

Bella's grand plan for the movie night was shot down when Lauren and Jessica refused to come and stopped some of the others as well. A few more were sick, and Jacob's friend was grounded, so when it came to a head count only Bella, Jacob, and Mike were going. This might actually be entertaining without my needing to make an effort.

I chuckled at the way things had turned out. Mike was disgruntled, Jacob was feeling supremely confident, and Bella was blushing in a most enticing fashion. This was going to be a most uncomfortable evening for her. I didn't even feel sorry for her. Mike started to walk toward his Suburban, but Bella called him back.

"Hey, do you mind if Jacob drives?" she asked. "I told him he could – he just finished his car. He built it from scratch, all by himself." Her voice was filled with pride.

"Fine." Mike was sounding a little snippy. _I have no idea what Bella sees in this kid. I'll teach him a lesson._

"All right, then." Jacob was the happiest one of the little trio, sure that he was winning the unspoken struggle for Bella's affections. _This is the loser who thinks he has a chance with Bella? I can't believe I was ever intimidated by this guy._

They all piled into the newly pieced together Volkswagen Rabbit. It started without much of a hitch and Jacob started driving toward Port Angeles.

I didn't pay close attention to the conversation in the Rabbit as I followed it. I did get the impression, though, that Mike was more on the receiving end of the lesson tonight. He got progressively sulkier as time went on. I was feeling a little sulky myself. Even through my carefully constructed wall of nonchalance, I could see how Bella and Jacob were comfortably flirting with each other as they entered the movie theater, Mike trailing behind.

The movie started rolling and I could sense the thoughts of both boys hoping Bella would reach out and take their hand in the darkened movie theater. I wondered why Bella did not take Jake's hand. He held her hand often enough at other times. Perhaps she didn't want to hurt Mike's feelings; she was always overly considerate to people who didn't deserve it.

Suddenly Mike's thoughts became an unceasing barrage of _Bathroom! Now!_ He was sick. This was hilarious. I could always enjoy Mike's suffering. Jacob and Bella followed him out of the theater, Jacob making some comment about what a terrible movie Bella had picked. Carnage? Bloodbath? That was strange, Bella had always been one for the romantic comedies.

Jacob went to check on Mike in the bathroom, then he and Bella settled on a bench in the lobby to wait. His thoughts were in a state of turmoil, as though he were looking for the courage to do something. I paid closer attention.

_Just spit it out, Jake. C'mon, you can do it. Just ask her if she likes you._

It was too late for me to tune this out now; my armor was fractured. I was riveted, waiting as anxiously as Jacob to hear what Bella would say.

_Just not in the same way I like her. I can deal with that, as long as she likes me better than that loser puking in there. She was really hurt when the bonehead took off. I still see it in her every day. Maybe she just needs more time. I'm sure that's what it is._

I saw an image of Bella's face as he asked her the question. She cringed, as though the very thought of me were painful.

_That is it. She can't even say his name out loud. If I could just get my hands on Cullen… Well, his loss. And I can wait for Bella. I hope she knows that. _

I was thrown by their conversation. Bella wasn't in love with Jacob? She didn't even have a crush on him? I would give up everything I had to be able to know what she was thinking about right now. Jacob was thrilled, over the moon even. And oddly enough, I felt almost happy myself.

Mike was staggering out of the bathroom now, oblivious to everything but his own misery. Bella helped him walk, and in a few minutes the trio was exiting the theater. Mike smelled awful, I could tell that from half a block away. I hoped that Bella wouldn't catch whatever virus he had. Jacob smelled strange too, like perhaps he was running a fever. Maybe he was coming down with the flu as well. I snickered listening to Jacob's thoughts. He had completely forgotten Bella for the moment, and his main concern was how to get Mike home as speedily as possible, keeping the Rabbit's upholstery unspoiled.

By the time we arrived back at Bella's house, Mike was too sick to drive, so Bella drove him home in his Suburban. Jake brought her back home, and as they got out of the car to say goodbye, the wind suddenly blew his scent to me. The hairs on the back of my neck rose, and my muscles tensed to spring. Werewolf.

"I think you might be right about the fever," Jacob was saying. "I'm starting to feel a little… strange."

I quickly scanned Jacob's thoughts. He thought he was coming down with the flu – he had no idea at all what was truly happening. He was about to shift form for the first time, and he was here with Bella. NO! Leave. Leave now! My mind shouted at him. He seemed to hear me, because he shrugged off Bella's offers of a ride and climbed into his vehicle. Thank God.

For the first time in the past few weeks I felt pity for Jacob Black. He had no idea how his life was going to change in the next few hours.

But my pity was mostly for Bella. She stood silently on the curb, staring blankly in the direction Jacob's car had gone. She looked so forlorn that my heart broke for her. Even though her longing was for someone else, I couldn't stand to see her hurt like that, especially knowing that Jacob would never be coming back. And that even if he tried, I would have to stop him. Bella didn't deserve this, not again.

Bella blinked, shook her head, and turned to go inside.

Bella woke up that night, but not with nightmares. Charlie went in to check on her and found her curled up on the bathroom floor, woozy and feverish.

"Stomach flu?" he asked her.

Bella gave an affirmative moan.

Bella called in sick to work that day and spent all her time on the bathroom floor. At least, I had to assume she did. She was there when Charlie left for work, and she was there when Charlie got home. I spent my day in the woods behind her house, fretting. My mother and father had died of influenza. I would have died of influenza if Carlisle had not intervened. I knew this was different, not the same virulent strain of the disease, but I still was beside myself with worry.

By the time Charlie had gone to bed that night, I was almost frantic. The last image I had of Bella was that she was still curled unmoving on the cold tile floor, her head beneath the toilet basin. She looked almost dead. I paced under her window, debating with myself. I hadn't been in her room since that night she had woken up and seen me. It was better that way. But what if there was something she needed? Something I could do, that Charlie didn't recognize?

Giving in to the inevitable, I was up the tree and in the window in seconds. Bella was not in her bed. I checked once more to ensure that Charlie was sound asleep, then I padded silently to the bathroom door. I had never felt so much like an intruder, in Bella's house, though I had certainly trespassed often enough. Tentatively I opened the heavy door a tiny crack. Bella's scent wafted to my nostrils, combined with the smell of sickness and vomit. I could hear only her slow, gentle breathing; she was completely unconscious. I opened the door wider, needing to see her and assure myself that she was all right.

It was dark inside, but my eyes were accustomed to the darkness. Bella lay on the floor where Charlie had left her. She was even thinner than she had been, and so very pale. I knelt on the tiles beside her and felt her pulse. It was regular and strong, so she must be getting better. With a sigh of relief, I stroked her silken hair lightly, trying to soothe her however I could. I wished that I could be sick for her. I wished I could do something to ease her suffering in some way. She must be getting stiff and cold lying on this floor. I wondered if she would notice… even if she remembered anything, surely she would attribute it to delirium.

Tentatively, I slipped my hand under her shoulder. She didn't react. I reached my other arm under her legs, and very gently shifted her until I was supporting most of her weight as she lay still on the floor. Again there was no reaction. I shook my head. My poor Bella. As slowly and softly as I could, I lifted her into my arms and cradled her against my chest. I stood and carried her to her bed. Fortunately Bella never made her bed, so I didn't have to turn the quilt down. I laid her down against the cool sheets and smoothed the covers over her. She snuggled into her pillow. God, but she was beautiful. Even when she was this sick, the sight of her took my breath away… figuratively speaking, of course.

I returned to the bathroom and filled a glass with water, returning to place it on Bella's bedside table. I looked around the room for something else I could do, not wanting to leave. The old rocking chair in the corner caught my eye. How often had I sat there through the night, watching Bella dream?

I sat slowly, wary of any creaks. Unblinking, I gazed on Bella's sleeping face, drinking her in like a thirsty man gulps water. I was overwhelmed by my need for her, to belong to her and have her belong to me. The rocking chair runner wobbled over the loose floorboard, and I remembered the objects hidden underneath. Pieces of my past, fragments of my heart. For the first time since Friday night, I allowed myself to contemplate Bella's conversation with Jacob. No matter how I twisted it, I always came to the same conclusion: she still cared for me in some way. Cared for me enough to keep her from committing to Jacob, if not from encouraging him in his crush. If she cared, even in some small way, surely there was hope for me.

Thoughts of my forbidden plan were coming. I needed to leave now. I tiptoed to Bella's side and pressed my lips to her forehead.

"Be well, Bella."


	8. Chapter 7: The Meadow

Author's Note: As I watch the hits on my story rise, I can only say: Wow! I never imagined that so many people would actually read this. I am honored.

I want to give credit for a lot of this chapter to my husband, who helped me work out the grisly details.

Disclaimer:  _Twilight_, _New Moon_, and all the events and characters contained therein are the intellectual property of the original author, Stephenie Meyer. This work is meant as a tribute to hers and no copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Seven – The Meadow 

Bella was over the worst of the flu when she awoke the next morning, but spent the day recuperating. She was beside herself with worry for Jacob. From what I could glean from Charlie's thoughts, Billy Black was doing his best to keep Bella away, telling her that Jacob was sick with mono. Good for him. Bella must never see Jacob again; he was far too dangerous. Even more experienced wolves like Sam Uley were dangerous, as events had made clear.

Bella didn't have the benefit of knowing any of this. She probably thought that Jacob was simply taking her advice from the movie theater the other night and giving up on her. Or she thought he was so sick that he was in serious danger. Either way, she was despondent and spent the next week walking around in an anxious daze. I was beginning to fear that the pinched look of worry would become a permanent fixture on her face.

On Saturday however, her look as she left the house was not worried. From my position in a tree across the street, I could see that it was furious. I guessed that Jacob and Billy had finally stopped pretending that Jacob was sick. Charlie had left the house a few minutes earlier on a fishing trip, having been assured that Bella was planning to spend the day in the house. More lies. I was proud of Bella, in a way. Lying had always been tough for her but she had definitely overcome that to some degree. I was proud in a way, but right now I was mostly annoyed. It would be so much easier to keep her safe if she would stay at the house. That look on her face meant more danger seeking, I was sure of it.

Bella jumped into her rust bucket of a truck and slammed the door with enough force to rock the heavy vehicle. She probably would have liked to peel out of the driveway dramatically, but the speed of the truck meant she rolled slowly, if loudly. I shimmied quickly down the tree and dashed to my Fusion, which was seriously in need of a wash after all the trips down dirt roads. I guessed there was another one coming up and I was not proven wrong. Bella was going to try and find the meadow again.

I was confused. If she were looking for the meadow in order to share it with Jacob, why would she bother trying to find it today? I had given up trying to comprehend the reasons for Bella's bizarre behavior over these past few weeks. She was not in any true danger with me here, but she had no way of knowing that. Charlie had warned her about the "enormous bears" in the area, and yet she wasn't worried. As it had so many times, the worry that she was _trying_ to hurt herself creased my forehead.

Bella stood in the clearing by her truck staring at the map and compass for a much longer time than Jacob would have needed, but she was soon tromping off into the woods. At least it wasn't raining today. I wouldn't get soaked trailing her through the underbrush.

Perhaps Bella had slightly more sense than I was crediting her with. She seemed nervous in the woods today, trembling as she wrapped her arms around herself. She didn't have enough sense to turn around, though. I was surprised to note that she had finally managed to find the proper trajectory for her march. If she kept going this way far enough, she would actually discover the meadow. And Jacob would not be with her. I felt undeniable satisfaction at that fact.

I was following Bella much more closely than usual, only a few yards behind her. This was mostly because I was worried that without Jacob to guide her, she would manage to hurt herself more seriously than she usually did. But it was a secret pleasure that at this distance, I could pretend I was walking with her. I could inhale her sweet scent and imagine the conversations we might have walking through these woods as we had so many times before. It was getting so much easier to ignore the bloodlust; I could almost imagine that I was not in reality a soulless abomination.

Time passed quickly, and I realized that we were almost to the meadow. Selfishly, I wanted to see Bella's face when she stepped into the clearing. I picked up my pace, veering off to the side until I was ahead of her. I hid in the trees about a quarter of the way around the perimeter of the meadow from where Bella would enter.

I didn't have to wait long. Bella was getting to be a much faster hiker. She broke through the vine maples at the edge of the meadow, and stopped in her tracks. She seemed stunned that she had finally found it. Her face was flushed with exertion, and her breathing was a little heavier than usual. Even from my hiding place, I could hear her heartbeat speed up with excitement. Bella stood completely motionless for a moment, looking around as though she expected to find something here.

Suddenly the excitement left her. Her face crumpled into an expression of utmost sorrow and despair. With a groan she fell heavily to her knees, gasping for air. Gasping as if she were being suffocated, Bella wrapped her arms tightly around herself and began to sway back and forth. Whatever she had expected to find here, she had been disappointed.

"Edward," she whispered. The sorrow in her voice would have melted a heart of stone.

Something hit me in that moment, as I saw Bella huddled on the ground in obvious pain. Recognition. I knew exactly how she felt. She felt as though her entire being was falling apart, as if there were a great gaping hole swallowing her heart, her lungs, and her sanity. I knew because I felt the same way. The all-consuming emptiness I felt in her absence, she felt it too. The apathy and lack of purpose, she knew them. No wonder she was behaving so dangerously, she had heard my voice, and even though she thought it was in her head, she was desperately trying to find it again. That was why she had come here. To find me.

Bella loved me.

Images flashed through my mind. Bella standing in the woods as I bid her goodbye and left. Bella's face in Alice's vision, ashen and gaunt. Bella approaching the men outside the bar. Bella riding her motorcycle. Bella's voice screaming my name in her nightmares. Bella's face as Jacob asked her about me. All of them were signs that she loved me, they had been right in front of me. How could I have misunderstood so completely? I had been angry with Bella for believing so easily that I didn't love her, but had I truly done any better? At least I had had signs to show the way. She had had nothing.

And she loved me.

It was as though the heavens opened and a choir of angels burst into song. I was frozen, stunned. She loved me the same way I loved her. She would not allow her memories to fade; she was torturing herself, endangering herself to preserve them. Bella loved me. I felt a big silly grin spread across my face. I did not know how this miracle was possible, after all I had done to her and in spite of her human frailty. But I knew with a conviction beyond explanation that it was truth. She loved me and that was not going to change.

"She loves me, despite everything," I whispered the precious words softly, reverently. They sounded even better aloud than they did in my head.

The joy drained from me as a new realization struck. Everything I had done to protect her had been a waste. Bella had been endangering herself to find me again, blocking out life to shelter her mind from the hurt. She was pursued by at least two vampires. She had entangled herself with a young werewolf. I knew how stubborn she was, and I knew she would not give him up. She was in more danger than she had ever been with my family and I. All the pain, the agony I had put us both through, amounted to nothing. I was humbled and filled with remorse.

As I watched Bella struggle to her feet, shaky and wobbling, I was crushed. She looked exactly as I did when I thought of her. Broken. What had I done? But I had a chance to make it right. Bella still loved me. With confidence born of my new awareness, I rose and prepared to take the step that would carry me into her sight.

Then I froze.

Another figure had entered the meadow. I took in his unnatural stillness and pale skin, and I knew. Laurent. The wind brought his scent to me and confirmed my guess. No! Not here. Not now. Not with Bella so close and vulnerable. I would have to get him away from her. I noted immediately that his eyes were dark rust-red. He was thirsty, almost starving. It would be tough to get him to leave Bella alone. At least Victoria was not with him. The two of them at once would be a difficult battle, to say the least.

Bella had finally noticed her company. She paused for a moment, her expression uncertain, then smiled in welcome. "Laurent!" she cried. As always she was completely oblivious to her own safety.

"Bella?" Laurent was as shocked to see her as she to see him. He hadn't tracked her here? I focused on his thoughts as he continued his small talk with Bella. _..a most pleasant surprise. Dear Victoria will be put out with me, I dare say, but she'll get over it. And I'm so thirsty._

I felt my face twist into a silent snarl. Patience, I needed patience. Wait for the right moment. I had to find out if he knew where Victoria was.

"When I found the Cullen place empty, I thought they'd moved on," Laurent was saying. _And I thought they would have taken you with them, little snack. _

"Oh." Bella bit her lip in what I now recognized as pain at the reminder of my family. She loved me… the wonder affected me even in the midst of the current danger. She paused and then continued, "They did move on."

_They left her behind? Perhaps Edward does not care for her as much as Victoria thinks he does. She will be most disappointed at having her revenge wasted, whenever she decides to grace me with her presence again. _

So, Victoria was definitely the leader of their little partnership. Laurent knew nothing, and that meant his continued existence was worth nothing.

I think Bella had finally noticed Laurent's red eyes and intense stare. She took a shaky step away from him. I noticed her hands trembling, and her heart rate increased. That was not helpful.

_She smells so appetizing. I wonder how Cullen managed to resist…_ He took a step toward Bella. I prepared to spring. I didn't want to fight him in front of Bella, but if I had to, I would.

At that moment the wind shifted, carrying my scent to Laurent's sensitive nose.

He froze and looked directly at me. "I don't believe it," he said, his voice low with surprise. And then he ran.

_ It can't be! What's he doing here?_

I broke through into the meadow. I knew I should pursue Laurent, but I could not resist a glance at Bella. She was staring at me, shaking her head.

"I've lost it. I've finally lost my mind," she chanted under her breath.

I dashed to her side, too quickly for her eyes to follow my movement. She blinked, but was unafraid. I laid one hand on her cheek, savoring her warmth. "I'll explain everything soon. Wait here for me. Please, Bella, listen to me just this once. I'll come back. I promise." It took all my willpower to remove my hand from her skin.

She sank back to her knees and continued shaking her head, muttering. I supposed that was all the answer I would get. I ran into the woods.

Laurent's trail was easy to follow; he was too startled to try to hide it. I could hear his thoughts ahead of me and knew that he was heading further into the woods, rather than moving toward a road or populated area. Excellent. He had no car and he was probably panicking.

Then, without warning, his thoughts simply vanished. One second I could 'hear' him clearly, the next there was nothing there. How had he managed that? I continued sprinting through the forest to the place where I had last heard his mind, but there was nothing there except his scent. Actually, his scent was pretty strong, maybe I was gaining on him.

_Gotcha!_

The thought came from just behind me. Before I could turn, I was thrown forward by a heavy impact. I was crushed into the soft moss of the forest floor, pinned to the ground by my enemy straddling my back. How had Laurent managed to hide himself from me? I had no time to wonder about it as my arm was wrenched backwards, nearly detaching from the socket. He was trying to dismember me.

Laurent shifted his position to gain better leverage and I rolled so I was facing him, still pinned beneath his weight. His face was twisted into a feral snarl, and I suddenly became aware of the tremendous growls ripping from both of us. With lightening speed, I grabbed his arms and twisted them behind his back, simultaneously sitting up to slam him in the face with my forehead. I heard a crack as his nose broke, and felt his left arm dislocate. I would have to thank Emmett for forcing me to wrestle with him all these decades.

Laurent wasn't finished yet, though. He leaned in and savaged my right shoulder with his teeth; I could feel tendons ripping as he tore at me, doing as much damage as he could. I roared in frustration, the sound quickly swallowed by the thick vegetation. Using my left hand, I grabbed his hair and jerked his teeth away from my shoulder, failing to break his neck in the process. Laurent threw himself backward with almost impossible speed and strength, pulling himself out of my reach. I leapt to a standing position, and we circled each other, feinting and looking for a chance to strike.

Laurent's hunger provided what I needed. A terrified rabbit finally got up the courage to burst from the bushes at my feet, and Laurent was distracted for a second. I flung myself at him, foot extended, and heard a satisfying crack as it connected with his knee. The momentum carried the two of us into the trunk of a mid-sized tree, which shook and toppled over with an echoing crash. Momentarily disoriented, I paused long enough that Laurent was able to get an arm around my throat from behind, crushing me in a vise-like grip. I didn't need to breathe, but I could also scarcely move from this position.

Twisting and heaving with all my strength, I wrenched my body out of his grasp, rolling us across the ground wildly. Punches and kicks were not of much use between vampires. Pain-inducing maneuvers would do nothing. The only action that could win this struggle was to render his body unable to continue. The savagery would have shocked any spectator. Biting, clawing, tearing at each other, we struggled around the meadow.

Finally, I had him pinned to the ground, both his arms now lying useless and broken on the forest floor beside him. Vampires do not feel true physical pain, but my right arm was more or less useless, the tendons torn where he had bitten me, and I was sure several of my ribs were broken. It was uncomfortable and difficult to move, but I would heal. I did not intend to give Laurent that opportunity. But first, I needed to know something.

"How did you hide from me?" I snarled. "Tell me, and I'll make your end quick."

He laughed. "It's so simple, but you rely so much on your so-called power that you never suspected. Think about it, but you'll still never guess. And I will never tell you." He snorted. "It was Victoria's idea, and I'm sure she's feeling very pleased that it worked."

"Where is she?" I howled the words, sudden fear nearly paralyzing me.

Laurent only laughed. He would start to heal soon. I had work to do, and quickly. I wrestled Laurent over onto his stomach and knelt on his back. I seized his jaw in my good hand and braced my foot against his neck, bunching my muscles as I prepared to rip.

When it was finished, I rose to my feet. I was surprisingly clean, though my clothes would be a write-off. Vampires have no blood but that which they drink, and Laurent had been very thirsty. I would have to burn the remains, but that would wait for a few hours. I was consumed with the need to ensure Bella's safety. I sped towards the meadow, panic and elation fighting for dominance in my mind.

I was almost there when I found the fresh and familiar scent of werewolf. I halted in my tracks and turned to find Sam Uley, in human form, behind me. My neck prickled, but I found I was able to restrain my growl. I was almost getting used to the cur.

"Cullen."

"Uley." Panic would not be restrained. "Bella, is she safe?"

He nodded. "I think she's a little… upset." I saw an image in his head. Bella was screaming as she saw Uley enter the meadow in werewolf form, then she was kneeling again, still muttering that she had lost her mind. "But she's physically fine. Is it finished?"

"You'll find some remains if you backtrack along my trail. They need to be disposed of. Burned, in fact. Perhaps you can manage that?" He would know how and where to get that done without public commentary.

"We can." He paused, and then continued. "You should know, we intercepted the female on one of our regular patrols. I believe she was coming here, for Bella. We split up and the others are pursuing her, but I don't believe they will catch her this time. She always manages to slip away from us, and this time she had a head start."

Laurent and Victoria had hatched a plan. Somehow they had managed to boggle my mind reading and trick me… again. I still had no idea how they did it, or even how long they had been shadowing me. I would worry about that later, I was sure. Now, my only desire was to see Bella, to touch her and convince myself she was all right.

"Thank you. I owe you more than words can ever express." I started to turn back toward the meadow. "Now, if you'll excuse me."

"You've decided to stay, then?" I thought I saw the suggestion of a smile in his eyes, but it could have been a trick of the light.

"I've decided to let her make the decision. If there's anything I can do to convince her to take me back, then I will stay." I was surprised how easily the words came. I wasn't even aware of having thought them.

His expression was torn between humor and worry. _Poor Jake._ _Though, heaven knows that as a man, I think Cullen is doing the right thing. As pack leader…._

I sighed. "You might as well get it over with. I know you have to say it."

"I have to remind you of the terms of the treaty. No killing of course, but also, no biting." He paused, allowing the implications to set in. "You must not change her, cold one." _And if you do, so help me, my pack will kill you both._

I growled involuntarily at the last bit. My hackles rose. "I understand. And you should know that the only person who wants her changed less than you do, is me. I would not wish this existence on anyone, much less someone I love."

"Then I will leave you for now. But we will be watching." There was no threat in his voice, only grim determination.

"Good-bye." I watched as he phased and disappeared. Then I turned, pushed my way through the last few feet of trees and stepped into the meadow where Bella was waiting.

Author's Note: Reviews make my little writing heart skip a beat… and pump out more words.


	9. Chapter 8: Reunion

Author's Note: I never really planned to write this scene as an entire chapter. I thought that the end of the last chapter would be a good place to leave it. However, based on some of the comments I've received, I feared someone might start to get a lynching mob together if I didn't give you a bit more. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: _Twilight_, _New Moon_, and all the events and characters contained therein are the intellectual property of the original author, Stephenie Meyer. This work is meant as a tribute to hers and no copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Eight – Reunion 

Bella was still posed exactly as I had left her, kneeling on the soft grass and looking at her hands in her lap. She was talking quietly under her breath, but with my enhanced senses I could hear her clearly.

"Poor Charlie. He's going to have to have me committed now, and that's going to kill him. I've completely lost my mind. What's the last thing that I'm sure was real?" On and on she babbled, oblivious to my presence.

I took a tentative step closer, not wanting to frighten her. I spoke her name quietly, just loud enough for her to hear. "Bella, are you all right?"

She froze and went silent, but she did not look up. "Edward?" Her tone was a mixture of terror and wild hope. Her heartbeat sped up to a point where I wondered if I should worry.

"Bella, I'm here. Please, look up." I longed to see her eyes, to know if she wanted me to come nearer.

"No. This is a dream, Edward. If I look up, you'll be gone." She thought I was a nightmare. I deserved that. After all, I had been pushing her to believe she was hearing voices for the past several weeks. Small wonder that she doubted her sanity.

I continued across the grass, purposely rustling the grass as I approached so she would know I was coming, until I was only an arm's length away from her kneeling form. "You're not having a nightmare, Bella. I'm actually here this time."

Slowly, she raised her face to look up at me. Wonder, disbelief, confusion, and longing chased each other across her expressive features. "You're a very good hallucination," she whispered.

I couldn't resist. I pulled her to her feet and wrapped my arms around her, inhaling her wonderful essence. For once, there was no trouble at all quelling the sudden increase in my thirst. There were other things that I wanted more. "Could a hallucination do this?" I whispered in her ear, my lips brushing against her skin. I slowly traced along her spine with my hand. "Or this?"

Bella was stiff in my embrace for a moment and then she relaxed, trembling, into my chest. No, not trembling. I craned my head back so I could see her face. She was crying silently, uncontrollably, into my ruined shirt. What had I done now?

"Edward, it was horrible. Laurent was going to kill me, and then I saw you, but you left, and then this huge wolf came and…" her voice was swallowed by a huge sob, and she burrowed her face more deeply against me. It wasn't my fault. I sighed in relief and leaned my cheek lightly against her hair. I held her more tightly in my arms, wishing I could take her fear away.

"Hush, Bella. I'm here, and you're safe. It's all right now, I promise you." I soothed her as if she were a child, rocking her gently from side to side. I tried to quell my craving to kiss her, touch her in different ways. Now was not the time. I contented myself with stroking her hair, her back, and her arms. I leaned closer and breathed her in. This was heaven enough. The emptiness that had tormented me for months was healed, gone as if it had never been. In fact, I felt as though my heart was so full it could burst.

We stood like that for several minutes before Bella's sobs began to lessen. I could see her making an effort to regain control, a new fear dawning in her eyes. She pushed back from me slightly so she could speak.

"If I'm not dreaming or hallucinating, and I'm not dead…. am I dead?" she looked up at me questioningly, and I shook my head. I could have laughed, if her close brush with death today had not made me want to cry with relief instead. She made a puzzled face and continued, "Then what are you doing here?"

Pain gripped me, and I felt my chest tighten. Could I have gotten it wrong? "You don't want me here?" I started to pull away from her embrace.

"No!" she gasped out. Her hands gripped claw-like at my sleeves. "I mean you… left," she cringed at the memory, and I tightened my arms around her. "Why are you here, now?"

This was going to be difficult. How could I ever explain to her? Would she forgive me? I gently pushed Bella an arm's length away from me, and with gentle pressure on her shoulders, lowered us both to a cross-legged position, our knees touching as we faced each other. I slid my hands slowly down her arms, and was momentarily distracted by her delicate shiver. Her skin was warm and soft beneath my touch. She was magical. I entwined my fingers with hers, needing to maintain contact.

"Alice had a vision, Bella. She knew that Laurent was going to come after you and I… I couldn't let that happen." I paused, waiting for her reaction.

She looked down, hiding something from me. "So, when will you leave again?" Her fingers started to move slowly against mine, as if she craved to touch me as much as I did her.

"I'm not leaving you." I spoke the words slowly, clearly. "Ever."

"But… you said… I thought…." I could see the pain behind her eyes as she glanced up at me. She couldn't even speak the words. I was desperate to make her understand, to make that pain go away.

"I owe you an apology, Bella. I lied to you. I knew that you wouldn't let me go, wouldn't move on, unless I made you believe that I was doing the same. I lied to you when I told you I didn't love you. I lied to you when I said that I didn't want you with me. If my soul were not already condemned, those lies would be enough to doom me. I love you, Bella."

The fear in her eyes was gone, replaced by disbelief and a glimmer of hope. She gazed, rapt, at my face as I continued.

"My life without you was empty, meaningless. I couldn't be around my family, or anyone else. I couldn't enjoy the things that I used to enjoy; everything reminded me of you. All I could do was lie there and pray that the agony would end, knowing it wouldn't. All I wanted was to come back to you and beg you to forgive me. The only thing that could possibly keep me from doing that is the knowledge that by staying away, I was ensuring that you would be safe.

"Bella, you have to believe that I left you because I thought it was best for you. The only thing I will ever want is you, and that will never change." I leaned forward until my face was a fraction of an inch from hers. I knew this was unfair, that I was taking away her chance of making a clear and rational decision. But the truth was, I was going to use every trick I had to gain an advantage, unfair or not. "Please, Bella. Believe me. I love you."

I saw her eyes blur slightly, dazzled by my scent and my nearness. And then I kissed her. First with the very slightest pressure, and then more intensely as I felt her respond. I disentangled my hands from hers and touched her face, her neck, her arms... whatever I could. I was frantic for the feel of her skin against mine. It had been too long. I moved my lips to her eyes, her cheeks, her chin, and her neck, whispering her precious name between gentle kisses. And most miraculous of all, she was doing the same. Her hands were tangled in my hair, then they were stroking my neck and my back. She moved closer to press her body against mine.

When I feared I could stand no more, I gently pushed her face away, leaning my forehead against hers as we gasped in unison. She still had the same incredible power over me. When I first met her, I would have thought nothing could compare to my desire for her blood, but my desire for _her_ was infinitely greater.

"You love me," her voice was a reverent whisper.

I smiled as I remembered my own reaction to that realization. "Truly, I do."

"Oh, Edward!" she cried, and launched herself at me, bowling me over backwards. I laughed with pure delight as I landed on my back in the grass, with Bella stretched out on top of me. She rested her head on my chest, one hand entwined with mine, the other reaching up to caress my neck. I couldn't seem to stop touching her. I ran my fingers through her hair, kissed her forehead, and traced her spine over and over. I waited, content. I knew there would be more questions. There always was, with Bella.

She did not disappoint me. Her wandering hand found the bloodless wound in my shoulder, which had started to heal over but was still gruesome to look at. She jerked her head back and examined me. "What happened to you?"

"Laurent wasn't willing to give you up without a struggle. At least we had that one thing in common." I kept my tone as light as I could; I really did not want to tell her about what I had had to do to Laurent.

She was resting her weight on her elbows, gazing at my face as though she couldn't bear to stop. I didn't mind. I may have been able to see her for the past few weeks, but it was entirely different to see her looking at me this way. I never wanted it to end.

Something was bothering her, I could see it in her eyes. Her voice was carefully casual when she finally asked. "Edward, how long have you been in Forks?"

If I could have blushed, I would have. "A while," I hedged.

Her eyes narrowed; she could smell the blood in the water now. "How long is 'a while', exactly?"

"Something close to… two months." The last two words I said quietly, hoping she would miss them.

No such luck. "Two months! What have you been doing all that time?" Her tone was outraged, but I could see a smile flickering around her lips.

Might as well come clean. "I've been following you, Bella. Watching you. I'm sorry, but I had to make sure you were safe."

Her eyes lit up as though she had just figured something out. "You were there the night that I went to the movies with Jessica! You spoke to me…. it really was you I heard, right?"

I nodded.

"I knew it!" she crowed triumphantly. "I knew I wasn't going crazy!"

Without warning, she bent her face down and pressed her lips to mine. I didn't even think, I just responded. I tangled my hand in her hair and pulled her closer, deepening the kiss just short of the point of danger. I could feel her body pressed down the length of mine, and her warmth was intoxicating.

As suddenly as Bella had attacked me, she drew back, her eyes wide at some new realization.

"But if you've been here all this time…. why didn't you ever tell me?"

This was the part I had been dreading. I still had no idea how to explain it to her. "Bella, when I got here… I never planned to let you know that I was here. I thought you would be better off without me. I thought you would forget me and move on. It's been killing me, watching you with Jacob, but I..."

She cut me off, her eyes flashing. "Edward. Anthony. Cullen. Jake is a friend, and that is all he will ever be to me. I know he feels more, and knowing you, you've been torturing yourself with that. But just because he feels that way does not mean I do.

"I wish you could understand the way I see you," she said sadly. "You are the best thing that ever happened to me and even though it hurt me to remember, I would rather have died than forget you."

"What a pair we make," I said ruefully. And we were, truly. Each too convinced of our own inferiority to see how much we were loved. It was just a little too ironic.

"As long as we are a pair, that's all that matters," she spoke firmly. "I love you, Edward Cullen, and nothing will ever change that, not even you."

The wonder of it all struck me anew, and I leapt to my feet, pulling her along with me. I grabbed her waist and lifted her, spinning her through the air over my head. Her hair flung outwards as she threw her head back in joy. I knew I would always remember this moment, photo-perfect: Bella, warm and vibrant, silhouetted against the cold steel-gray of the cloudy sky. I set her down gently.

"I love you, too, Isabella Swan." I kissed her forehead and her eyes closed, the smile still on her face.

Looking at that smile, I knew that the woman standing before me represented everything I would ever want from my future. There were problems facing us that we needed to deal with, certainly. Victoria was still out there, and there were the werewolves to consider as well. I was sure the argument about whether or not to change Bella would give me a share of misery as well. Strangely enough, though, it was the prospect of trying to get back into Charlie's good graces that intimidated me the most. But just at that moment, I knew that Bella and I would be together, and nothing else seemed to matter.

I pulled my cell phone from my pocket. Bella's eyebrows drew together in confusion. "There's someone I need to talk to for just a moment," I explained.

I punched the numbers into the phone and waited. I heard the line go live as the person on the other end picked up.

"Alice, you'll never guess…" I started, but was interrupted by her excited, incoherent shrieking. Bella grinned widely as she recognized the voice. "… Then again, maybe you will."

Author's Note: I know some of you believed Bella was going to give Edward a tougher time than this. I hoped she might too. He's been driving me crazy with what an idiot he can be. But she just won't do it, sorry.

And that's it. The end. Not exactly a 'happily ever after' but those are boring anyway. I have to say I'm sorry to see this story end. I've enjoyed the writing process very much. Thanks so much to everyone who's read and reviewed, because without you this story might not have made it. Keep an eye out… I'm enjoying this whole writing thing, so I may take another go at it sometime.


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